


No One Else

by LoveMeSomeRafael



Category: law & order svu
Genre: ADA Carisi, Angst, Detective Carisi, Don't kid yourself this is me we're talking about there is lots of swearing, F/M, Fluff, Pining, Smut, So.Much.Swearing., Sonny in Love, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2020-12-24 11:28:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21098720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveMeSomeRafael/pseuds/LoveMeSomeRafael
Summary: Detective Sonny Carisi falls helplessly in love with OC Kate Kinsella.  He wants to marry her.  But when his dreams begin to come true, they realize there is simply no way that either one of them can see to make it work when he’s in Manhattan with his wagon hitched to a star and she’s in Brooklyn making a name for herself.  Try as they might, they realize they have no choice but to give up on the idea that they can somehow find a way to be together.  They can’t, so they say goodbye before their relationship gets battered into little pieces and they end up destroying something that is sacred to both of them.Years later, Assistant District Attorney Carisi tries a case in which Kate is a witness, and they realize it's not over.  It's never been over, for either of them.





	1. Back In The Day

The bullets are flying and Sonny Carisi has no idea how he’s gonna get out of this one. For that matter, he’s not entirely sure how he got _into_ this one, but that question is less pressing right now. There are four of them, all armed, and one of him, and he’s not sure how much ammunition he has left. He sees one of them crouch-run behind some cars, and shoots, but hits nothing but one of the cars. Although he has taken one of the shooters out of action, the point isn’t really to hit them, it’s to keep them pinned so he can get the hell out of here somehow. But he’s not sure how, exactly, he’s gonna accomplish that. And it’s really starting to bug him that he forgot to start counting his shots. He’s gotta be getting low and, of course, he doesn’t have a spare clip on him. Why would he? He just came here to interview a witness. 

He really has to get out of Homicide. Assuming, of course, he doesn’t become one today. 

He’s in a detatched, open garage full of junk stacked haphazardly, across an open yard from four piece-of-crap cars parked one behind the next on a gravel driveway that goes to a big old house. The house has been subdivided into several crackerbox apartments, one of which supposedly houses a guy who witnessed the murder he’s investigating. But, for some reason, as Carisi approached the house, shield in plain view around his neck, some asshole started shooting at him from the house, and pretty soon he was pinned down here in this garage and more assholes were shooting at him from behind the cars. Since his squad car is the fifth one in line on the driveway, it’s pretty clear he’s not leaving the way he came. 

Another of the shooters makes a move. Crawling around between two of the cars, he tries to cower there and get a good shot at Carisi. Carisi aims and the guy goes down.

But Carisi isn’t the one who fired.

The shot came from behind him. Now he’s screwed. One of these assholes has crept up to the garage and is now behind him. Except why did they shoot their own guy? He’s trying to get very small and squeeze further between the stacks of junk he’s hiding in, since now he’s got shooters on both sides. It was probably not a good idea to skip Confession last week, because this is not looking good. He sees movement further back in the garage and thinks maybe if he can take this one out, and just have to deal with the three left behind the cars…

“Hey, can you hear me?” A female voice hisses. 

“Come out!” Carisi shouts. “Show yourself!” 

“Will you shut up? It’s not like they don’t know where you are, but you don’t have to help them. I’m Kinsella, Narcotics.”

“What?”

Carisi sees a dirty-blonde head pop up above a cardboard box, behind a Sig Sauer P226. He hears the shot, followed by a loud, whiny string of curses from behind the cars. The head and the Sig disappear back behind the box. 

“My name. It’s Detective Kate Kinsella, NYPD. Narcotics.”

“Carisi. Homicide.”

“Well, Carisi Homicide, we got three down and three still shooting, and that’s about as good as it’s gonna get. We’re gonna have to shoot like hell and make a run for it.”

“Uh… That’s gonna be a problem. I’m low.”

“No extra clip?”

“I was comin’ here for a witness interview.”

“Shit. If my count is right, you got two shots left. Right?”

“Uh, yeah. Right.” _She’s been counting my shots? Shit._ Carisi didn’t think he could feel like more of a moron. Live and learn.

He realizes that she must have slipped in through the door on the other side of the garage, which means the shooters saw her. But they didn’t shoot at her, so she has to be undercover. Or, she was. The fact that she’s now shooting at them is gonna give these assholes a pretty big fucking clue that she’s not on their side.

He turns back to the cars. Seeing nothing moving, he picks up a broom with half the bristles missing and the others mildewed together in a clump, and waves it over his head. A series of gunshots erupts, including one that hits uncomfortably close. But he does see one guy peeking up over the hood of one of the cars. If he could get him to shoot again…

He takes aim and waves the broom again. The guy lifts up for a second to shoot and Carisi fires his last two bullets. The guy goes down, yelling, which means Carisi hasn’t hit him, but maybe he got some shrapnel in his eye or something. Good enough.

“All right, Carisi Homicide, that’s it. Let’s get outta here before something else goes wrong.”

Sonny holsters his now-useless weapon. “You got any ideas?”

“Head right, and run along the side of this building. It’s at an angle to the driveway, we’ll have cover. I’ll cover us. Ready? On three?”

More shots begin, and they’re hitting very close to where Carisi is. “Fuck that. Just start shootin’!”

She does, and Carisi jumps from behind the pile of junk and runs like hell straight toward the gunmen behind the cars to the front of the garage. He hears her fire several shots and sees her when he turns to his right and makes for the side of the garage. She’s shooting wildly, just to keep the assholes’ heads down, and running for it.

Carisi makes the side of the garage and runs about halfway to the back before turning around. He sees her come around the corner and flatten her back against the side of the garage. She’s tall, probably five foot eight or nine. She has disheveled dishwater blonde hair that looks like it hasn’t been washed in a while, spilling out of a knot low down on her head. She’s wearing torn, dirty fatigues and a ratty black leather jacket that looks a little too small. He can see what looks like a pink T-shirt where the jacket is unzipped. 

“Don’t just stand there, find us a way outta here!” She calls to him, and turns to fire a couple more shots toward the assholes still left behind the cars. 

“That’s my car, the black one at the end of the line.”

“Well, that’s clearly not gonna work. Think again,” she shouts over her shoulder. 

Carisi looks around and says, “I got it. Keep ‘em occupied,” before disappearing behind the garage. 

Kinsella is slapping a fresh clip into her Sig when she hears a car engine behind her and turns her head to see Carisi at the wheel of a barge of a vehicle. She fires several rounds toward the driveway, then turns and runs toward the long, low-slung old sedan, skirting behind it so as not to expose herself to fire from the assholes shooting at them. She struggles with the passenger door, finally getting it open with a grunt and a squeal of metal – the car has major body damage on that side and the door doesn’t want to move – and slides in, keeping low. Carisi puts his foot down on the gas, and the heavy car reluctantly begins to move. He heads the car across an expanse of mostly dead lawn to the street, where it thunks down the curb, bottoming out with a shower of sparks, and lumbers away from the house.

Kinsella is kneeling on the bench seat, trying to keep low but aiming out the back window in case they’re followed. She doesn’t think it’s likely, but those idiots can be unpredictable.

When it’s clear they aren’t being followed, she turns around and plops down onto the seat. She would put on her seatbelt, if this car had any. It’s gotta be thirty years old or more. It’s old fashioned Detroit steel, with bench seats that go all the way across in the front and the back and are as wide as couches.

Carisi is smiling. _Smiling_. 

“What’s the smile for?” She asks.

“C’mon. You gotta admit that was a little bit fun. You know, now that we didn’t die and all.”

“Fun. You call that fun.”

“Yeah. Well, a little. Wasn’t it?”

Kinsella hesitates, but when Carisi looks over at her, her lips are twisted in a reluctant grin. “Maybe a little. I did kinda enjoy the part where you cruised up in this fucking aircraft carrier. What is this thing?”

“This? It’s a 1978 Mercury Grand Marquis.”

“Where did it come from?”

“It was behind the garage. I wasn’t sure it would start, it doesn’t look like it’s been driven since the Reagan administration, but I hotwired it and it started right up.”

“You hotwired it? How do you know how to do that?”

“Let’s just say I wasn’t always the paragon of law abiding behavior you see before you. But we gotta figure out where we’re goin’, because there’s not much gas in the tank.”

Kinsella sighs. “Turn right at the next light. Might as well get this over with.”

“Get what over with?”

“Telling my bosses I just blew the cover it took me three months to build. Which, by the way, why did I do that? Who the hell are you? What were you doing just walking up to a known BX9 house with your shield hanging around your neck like a target?”

“That’s a known BX9 house? Says who? How come we didn’t know that?”

“Good question. Which I’m sure you’re gonna get asked. Turn left at the next corner.”

Walking into the 92nd Precinct, Detective Kinsella is immediately greeted by a plainclothes officer with a shiny, shaved head and a wiry, compact frame who appears to have been heading out. “Kate – what the fuck?”

“You don’t wanna know.”

“Are you blown?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Cap’s gonna kill you. You probably should just start running. I’m thinking Venezuela?”

She shakes her head and pinches the bridge of her nose. “He in?”

“Yeah, he’s in. I’m coming with you. I wanna see this.”

“You always were a ghoul.” She turns to Carisi. “Ahmad Washington, this is Carisi Homicide.”

“Detective Dominick Carisi, Junior. Call me Sonny.” He shakes hands with Washington.

“Homicide, huh? Which house?”

“The 94th.”

“He’s the reason I got blown,” Kinsella adds.

Washington smiles and Carisi follows them to a stairwell and up to the third floor. At the back of a bustling, chaotic bullpen that comprises the entire third floor of the precinct, Kinsella knocks at the door of an office where, through a row of windows, they can see a huge, bullnecked man with a red face yelling into a phone. He sees her and, if anything, his face gets redder. He motions her in and shouts into the phone, “Look, I gotta call you back.” There’s a short silence while the person on the other end of the phone speaks. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll take care of it. Quit bustin’ my balls. You’re givin’ me an ulcer.” He slams the phone down.

“Kinsella, what the actual fuck?”

“I’m blown, Cap. Not my fault. In fact, I’m not sure whose fault it is.”

“Well what the fuck happened? And who the hell is this?” 

Carisi extends a hand to the Captain, who stares incredulously at it, but reflexively shakes it in a clammy grip that Carisi wasn’t expecting.

“Detective Dominick Carisi, Junior, Sir. I’m from Homicide.”

The Captain turns his disbelieving stare back on Kinsella. 

“I was in the house, counting cash with Tamryn Fisher. I heard shots coming from the other room, so I went to investigate, and I found Eddie Andrews shooting out the window at someone running across the yard. You know that freestanding garage. The doors are always open, and he ran in there. I asked Eddie what he was doing and he said the guy was a cop. I asked him how he knew and he said the guy had a shield hanging around his neck. Next thing I knew, the Easton brothers and their buddies were running outside, taking cover behind their cars, and shooting into the garage. I had no choice, Cap. If I hadn’t gotten him out, he wouldn’t have gotten out. He was down to two bullets.”

Kinsella can hear Washington snickering behind her. This is the kind of shit that happens to Kinsella, and he lives for it. One of these days the Cap is simply gonna explode from stress, and Kinsella’s a big reason why. Washington hopes he gets to see it.

“That’s true, Sir. Your detective saved my life.”

The Captain starts yelling, and doesn’t stop yelling for the next forty-five minutes. Some of the time, he yells at Kinsella and Carisi. Then he calls Carisi’s Sergeant and yells at him, after which he gets transferred to his Captain and yells at _him_. Then he returns to yelling at Kinsella and Carisi again. By the time they slink out of his office, Carisi’s ears are ringing and they have a meeting with several levels of brass from both the 92nd and 94th Precincts at four p.m., which is in two hours. 

Washington leaves, still laughing like he’s just been to a comedy show, and Kinsella shows Carisi to a break room. It’s messy and a little dirty, pretty much like every other Precinct house break room he’s been in. The coffee is just as bad as everywhere else, too. 

“Still think this is fun?” Kinsella asks, taking off her jacket and flopping down on a couch upholstered in plastic with cigarette burns in it. The number of years since smoking has been allowed in a police station tells Carisi how old the couch must be.

“I coulda done without the ass-chewing,” he grins, choosing a metal folding chair from around a large table in the center of the room. He sort of folds himself onto it, long thighs splayed wide.

“Oh, trust me, that wasn’t the ass-chewing. The ass-chewing happens at four. But if we’re lucky, the brass’ll chew each other’s asses, and we can just watch. This wasn’t our fuckup. If the 94th didn’t know that house was BX9, and they sent you just walkin’ up the front sidewalk… That’s not on us.”

“If you hadn’t been there, I’d be swiss cheese right now.”

“Remember that, and say it at four. Because they’re gonna wanna say I didn’t have to break cover.”

“I will. Count on it.”

“You better, Carisi Homicide. You’re the only thing standing between me and being a resident cop at some middle school in Sheepshead Bay.” 

“I wish you’d quit callin’ me that.”

“Sorry,” she smiled mischievously, clearly not sorry at all. “What’s your name again?”

“Call me Sonny.”

“Sonny. I’m Kate. And if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go take a shower and change for the meeting.”

Sonny thinks about her as he kills time reading outdated magazines and old newspapers in the dirty break room, waiting for it to be four O’clock. She’s cute, and he noticed when she took off her jacket that she has a nice rack. He likes her. He especially likes that she was willing to wade into a firefight and risk her own life to get him out of that garage. 

At four O’clock, Sonny is sitting next to his Sergeant at a large conference table. He feels like he’s waiting outside the Principal’s office in elementary school, but he keeps reminding himself that this was not his fault. He was where he was told to go, doing what he was told to do. Somebody fucked up, but it wasn’t him. The meeting seems to be starting; everyone takes a seat, and it takes him a moment to realize that the woman across from him, sitting between her own Sergeant and the red-faced Captain, is Kate Kinsella. 

She looks very different than she had earlier. Her hair is in some kind of a twist that’s professional as hell, and she’s wearing makeup, which she hadn’t been before. She’s more than cute, Sonny thinks. She’s hot. And the slacks and short-sleeved sweater she’s wearing do a lot more for her body than the fatigues she’d been wearing earlier. She’d been cute when she was dressed to fit in with the gang bangers at the house. Dressed as herself, she’s a knockout. She sees him looking at her and gives him a little smile. 

Kate would have rescued a fellow cop in Sonny’s predicament no matter what. But as she looks over at him, with those blue eyes and that unruly brown hair, wearing a black T-shirt under a black suit jacket and his shield still around his neck, she thinks he is definitely worth rescuing. She wonders what his story is. 

Sonny is as good as his word, explaining that he could not have survived the garage had Kate not come to his aid. Between the two of them, they quickly explain what happened and even Kate’s Captain agrees that she had to break cover. Anyway, the brass doesn’t seem to be interested in Sonny or Kate. They’re more interested in blaming each other for the fact that the 92nd had intelligence that the 94th did not. Soon, Sonny and Kate are able to sit quietly and try not to draw anyone’s attention, while shooting amused looks at one another at some of the heated exchanges that take place between their supervisors. 

When the meeting ends, no one thinks to say anything to Kinsella or Carisi, which is fine with them. 

The next day, Kate gets a small bouquet of flowers at work, with a card that says, simply, “Thank you. Carisi Homicide”. She’s charmed.

It takes Sonny very little time to use his fairly new detective skills to determine that Kate Kinsella is single and not known to be seeing anyone. He wants to see her again, but he can’t think of a single pretext, so he ends up having to just man up and call her. He invites her out to dinner, and she doesn’t do a very good job of trying to play it cool when she accepts. She’s elated that he called, and he’s elated that she’s elated. 

He has to use his detective skills once again to find a place to take her in Brooklyn. Sonny’s from Staten Island and, although he’s been working in Brooklyn for a year, he still doesn’t know it very well. But he wants to take her somewhere nice, so he drives all his colleagues crazy asking for recommendations and finally decides on a nice Italian place that he can barely afford. 

Kate’s roommate opens the door of her apartment and lets him in, leaving him standing awkwardly in their small living room / kitchen while he hears them giggling in what must be Kate’s bedroom. He hears the word “cute” and hopes that means he has the roommate’s seal of approval. He does.

Kate comes out in a little black dress that actually belongs to her roommate, and makes Sonny re-evaluate his opinion that Kate has a nice rack. In that dress, Kate has a spectacular rack, and he is suddenly tongue-tied and nervous, which makes him say all kinds of moronic things that will haunt him for days. She finds it irresistible. She finds him irresistible. 

Which is why, after dinner, when he fumbles his way through asking her back to his apartment, she quickly agrees. And when he makes a move to kiss her once they’re there, she agrees to that, too. He’s a magnificent kisser. So good, in fact, that she revises her plan to do no more than kiss him on this first date. When he runs his hand down the front of her dress, she moans to encourage him, and when he slips his hand under the dress to caress her bare breast, she reaches back and unhooks the top. It’s a halter dress, so Sonny can just push the top aside, which he does. Pretty soon his shirt is off, too, and then his hand is under her skirt and then his fingers are inside her and she’s biting her tongue as she comes because the walls of his apartment are really thin. Which means good manners dictate that she undo his pants and make him come with her hand, too. So she does.

Their second date is kind of not a date; with their schedules, it’s hard to find an evening when they are both free, so they go to the firing range, as they’re required to do once a month, and get paid to spend time together. They’re competitive, or at least they pretend to be, so they both do pretty well. They also thoroughly enjoy themselves. On the way back to Kate’s Precinct, Sonny parks in the back of a liquor store parking lot and they thoroughly enjoy each other. Or at least, they do the best they can in an unmarked police car in broad daylight. 

By their third date, Sonny is entirely smitten. They’re going to see a spy movie Sonny has been wanting to see, but what he’s really excited about is he’s pretty sure they’re going to have sex. He pays particular attention to his hair and worries so much about how much cologne to wear that he gets himself wrapped around the axle about it and ends up not wearing any. Kate doesn’t care. She thinks Sonny smells great, and she also thinks he’s about the cutest, sweetest man she’s ever met, let alone dated. Kate’s smitten, too.

When they get back to Sonny’s apartment after the movie, he’s made coffee-flavored panna cotta, which Kate thinks is adorable. It’s delicious and they feed each other spoonfuls which, of course, leads to kissing. Kissing leads to touching, and removing each other’s clothes, which leads to Sonny’s bed. He’s been thinking about this. He’s read or heard somewhere that women can’t usually have an orgasm just from intercourse, so he decides to go down on Kate before they actually have sex, so that having his own orgasm when they do have sex won’t make him a selfish bastard. 

When she recovers from the out-of-body experience of getting oral sex from Sonny Carisi, Kate is astounded at his skill and creativity. She was planning to fuck him anyway, but after that, she’s on board for pretty much anything. They have sex a few times that night and the following morning, and by the time the weekend is over, they’ve agreed to be an official, exclusive couple. 

The Carisi family falls head over heels for Kate, in large part because she’s so obviously head over heels for Sonny. His sisters freak Kate out a bit. She has sisters of her own, but they have boundaries. Still, the Carisi girls don’t take long to bash their way into Kate’s heart, and pretty soon she’s going shopping and to brunch with them, without Sonny, and she’s in their confidence as though she’s one of them. Kate likes Sonny’s Ma, too, with her obvious protective love for him and her equally obvious hatred of his dangerous career choice. She wants him to go to law school and, although she likes Kate well enough, she wishes Sonny woulda picked a girl who wasn’t also a cop. It’ll only encourage him. Kate’s favorite member of the Carisi family has to be Sonny’s dad. In a house full of nattering, shrieking, cackling women, he is an oasis of taciturn calm. He is as sweet, genuine, and funny as Sonny is, but he’s never gonna out-shout his women, so if you want to hear what he has to say, you have to come to him. He is also the voice of finality in the family. Everyone else can argue and rail to their hearts’ content, but when Dominick Carisi has rendered a verdict, the determination is final and everyone knows it.

Sonny and Kate spend the next year together and, somewhere closer to the beginning than the end, they realize they’re in love. Sonny starts thinking about what he wants, because Homicide is getting to him and the idea of law school is pretty attractive, but if he leaves Brooklyn, it’s gonna get tough to be with Kate. That’s the only reason he hasn’t asked her to marry him, because everything else is perfect. This, with her, is what he’s always wanted. He imagines the future with her because he can’t stand the idea of a future without her. She’s his best friend, the sexiest and most fun best friend he’s ever had, and he can’t get enough of her.

But Homicide is really getting to him. Kate tells Sonny to ask for a transfer. His sisters tell him to ask for a transfer. His Ma tells him to ask for a transfer and gives him some printouts about the night school law program at Fordham University. When his dad tells him to ask for a transfer, Sonny does. He also applies and gets accepted to Fordham Law. He doesn’t know it yet, but he’s about to find his calling. 

It takes six months, but he’s finally transferred to Staten Island SVU. Almost immediately, he knows two things. First, this is work he has a natural feeling for. He thinks he could be good at this. Second, living back in Staten Island and having a girlfriend he wants to spend every waking moment with (sleeping, too, for that matter) is not going to work. After two months, he asks for and is transferred to Brooklyn SVU. It’s a nightmare. He’s with Kate, but the Captain running Brooklyn SVU hates his job almost as much as he hates women. Sonny can’t take it. He’s already feeling like SVU is what he was born to do, and he cannot watch victims be marginalized, disbelieved and, worst of all, disrespected. 

The asshole Captain also enjoys giving Sonny shit about looking so young, so Sonny grows a mustache. It is completely and utterly wrong on him, the dictionary definition of a pornstache, but everyone loves Sonny too much to tell him. Kate can’t support the ‘stache, but she totally supports Sonny when he jumps at a chance to transfer to Queens SVU. Big mistake. Both the lieutenant and Sonny’s partner take an immediate and active dislike to him and he lasts a week.

An Assistant Deputy Chief, who has always seen something in Carisi, steps in. She contacts Deputy Chief Dodds and talks up Carisi’s interrogation skills which, to be fair, are raw but very promising. She avoids mention of the mustache. Dodds is always looking to bank a favor, so he agrees to send Carisi to Manhattan SVU. He’s heard rumblings that the Captain in Brooklyn and the Lieutenant in Queens don’t like Carisi, but the Captain in Brooklyn is a cretin and the Lieutenant in Queens is a marginally competent whackjob, so Dodds figures that’s a point in Carisi’s favor.

Sonny likes Manhattan SVU right away. This is a unit where they take sex crimes and their victims seriously, he can feel it. He instantly sees the dedication and passion in everyone there, especially Sergeant Benson. He’s found a home, and it takes him very little time to recognize it. 

All his dreams are about to come true. He’s halfway through law school now, and it’s long since become his ultimate dream to become an ADA and prosecute sex crimes. Manhattan SVU’s ADA, a smug smartass named Barba, is fast becoming Sonny’s idol. Barba doesn’t miss a chance to smack Sonny down for some reason, but it isn’t personal, just a bit of sadistic fun, and Sonny doesn’t mind it. Everything seems to have fallen into place for Sonny Carisi.

Except.

Except his job can be 24/7, and it’s in Manhattan. And he’s in love with a woman whose job can be 24/7, too, and it’s in Brooklyn. And all that is in addition to him being in law school. At first, Sonny and Kate just kiss and shrug and say they’ll make it work. But it’s not long before they’re stretched so thin their time together starts to feel like conjugal visits at Attica and he’s too exhausted sometimes even for that. She tries not to complain. There is no other man for her than Sonny Carisi, and she’ll accept whatever he can give her. But it’s hard. She misses him so bad sometimes she thinks she’ll die from it, and once he finally shaves off that fucking pornstache, she surrenders and asks about transferring to Narcotics in Manhattan. Except no one in her chain of command is willing to let her do it. 

One of their all-too-infrequent visits hits her on a bad day, and she breaks down in front of him, something she has sworn not to do. She tells him how bad it’s gotten for her, and he says it’s the same for him. But they agree that they love each other too much to give up. They struggle on for a couple more months until, out of nowhere, she thinks she might be pregnant. She’s not, but it’s the beginning of the end, because it makes them face facts. All of the options for living together, being a family with their child if there had been one, involve one or the other of them giving up pretty much everything else. And as much as they hate the idea of doing that themselves, neither of them is willing to let the other do it. 

Which is why, at this moment, Sonny is sitting on a stone bench in Prospect Park, crying in the arms of the woman he loves. He is helplessly in love with Kate Kinsella. He wants to marry her. And there is simply no way that either one of them can see to make it work when he’s in Manhattan with his wagon hitched to a star and she’s in Brooklyn making a name for herself. She’s about to go undercover for an extended period of time, maybe months. It’s time to give up on the idea that they can somehow find a way to be together. They can’t, and it’s time to admit that before their relationship gets battered into little pieces and they end up destroying something that is sacred to both of them.

It’s rough. They go back to Kate’s apartment – Sonny’s already given up his place in Brooklyn – and cry while they make love. They kiss each other goodbye and wish each other happiness. They’re not going to try to keep in touch. It’s too painful. It’s easier just to end it and be done. But oh, fuck does it hurt.

*****************

Kate always feels odd wearing a suit, and she thinks nylons are a misogynistic nightmare made to prey on women like her, who can’t figure out how to live a normal life and still keep a garment precisely one nanometer thick in one piece for an entire workday. She usually doesn’t dress up this much for court, but this trial is a big deal. The perp committed crimes in several Northeastern states, and those committed in New York were done in several different Precincts. With the FBI involved and national attention on the trial, the Brooklyn DA’s office wants the 92nd Precinct to make Brooklyn look good. Anyway, Kate’s all right. After all the undercover work she’s done, she’s used to playing dress-up. This is basically just a variation on a theme. 

Today, the Judge is hearing a number of motions, one of which is a motion to exclude her testimony and all the evidence they gathered when her team busted into his room at a cheap motel. The reason is some bullshit having to do with her violating the perp’s Fourth Amendment rights during the search. The Judge has agreed to let the attorneys _voir dire_ her outside the presence of the jury so that she can make a ruling. With no way to know in which order the Judge will want to hear the motions, Kate figures she’s in for a long, boring morning in court.

Until she sees him. Until she sees his tall, lanky frame enter the courtroom with that unmistakable walk and that hair that looks like no one else’s on the planet. Assistant District Attorney Dominick Carisi. Assistant fucking District Attorney Dominick Carisi. She’s mildly concerned that her heart has been stopped since he walked in, but she’s more concerned about the instant tears that threaten. Cardiac arrest won’t ruin her makeup.

He looks good. He looks so good. His hair has a lot of silver in it now, which brings home to Kate more than anything how many years it’s been. The Senior ADA says something to him and he smiles at her and Kate actually feels a physical pain in her heart. To say she’s missed him would be like saying the Hindenburg had a bit of a problem on landing. She’d cried on the day he graduated from law school and she couldn’t be there to share his accompishment. She’d looked for his name every time the Bar Association put out a list of those who had passed the bar exam, and she’d cried again when she saw it and knew that she hadn’t been there to celebrate with him. Kate now hopes the motion she’s here for will be called last, so she can just sit here, watching him live his dream. He’s beautiful. She’d forgotten how impossible it was to look away from him. She’d known she wasn’t over him. She’d known the men she’d dated since Sonny had all been unfavorably – and unfairly – compared to him. But until this moment, she hadn’t realized that he was still the only man for her. 

He’s apparently sitting second chair for this trial. Kate doesn’t know where she gets off being proud of him, as though he still belonged to her, but she is. And when he addresses the court and she gets to hear his voice, she wants to clap and cry at the same time. Assistant fucking District Attorney Dominick Carisi. He’s wearing a nice suit and it fits him well, which gets her to thinking about his body so that now, not only is she overjoyed for him, shocked to see him, and freshly heartbroken again, she’s horny for him, too. Her testimony is going to be gobbledygook.

The motion to exclude that testimony is called mid-morning. She wonders whether he knew she was going to be testifying today, and figures he must have. She wonders whether he will acknowledge her. She’s not nervous about testifying after all the times she’s had to do it, but her rubbery legs and vibrating body tell her she’s very nervous about testifying in front of Sonny. 

She takes the stand and doesn’t look at him as she’s sworn in. She’s glad to see that the Senior ADA is the one who stands up to question her for the People, but it’s time. They’re going to have to acknowledge one another at some point, and it’s time. She turns her eyes to him, and he’s looking at her. He gives her just the tiniest grin and then he fucking winks. In open court. From the Prosecution table. The tears threaten again, but she emulates his little grin and then turns all her attention to the ADA. 

The Judge excuses Kate from the witness stand and she risks another look at Sonny. He’s looking at her again, or still, and this time their smiles are just a bit bigger. Kate sits and listens to the Judge rule that Kate’s testimony and the evidence are in. She’s glad. It means she can help nail the scumbag who’s on trial, and it means she’ll see Sonny again. She’s making plans to buy a new suit for the trial as she stands to leave the courtroom, expecting that Sonny will be very busy doing ADA things and won’t even see her go. 

Those who had been watching the motions shuffle slowly down the aisle until, just before reaching the door, Kate steps aside behind the last row of seats. She’s promised herself one long, last look at Sonny before she actually leaves the courtroom. She turns around to look, and Sonny isn’t there. 

He’s five feet away, waiting impatiently for people to move out of his way so he can catch her. When he knows she sees him, his smile is bright enough to scorch the air. He looks so happy she feels those damn tears again, only this time, there’s no way she can stop them. Fortunately, there are only a few, and she wipes them quickly away with her hand before he finally reaches her. His eyes seem a bit moist, too. He always did wear his heart on his sleeve. Oh, how she loves him. Still.

He takes her into his arms, lifting her off her feet, although she’s only a few inches shorter than he is. 

“Kate, it’s so good to see you,” he says into her hair, his voice thick with emotion. He’s not going to cry, not here in the courtroom, but he could if he let himself. He’s been looking forward to this meeting for weeks. Imagined it a thousand times. She feels exactly how he remembers, only better because it’s been so damnably, unbearably long. He’s happy to feel that she’s squeezing him back, holding him close the way he’s holding her. “I’ve missed you. You’ll never know how much I missed you,” he murmurs, turning his head to inhale as much of her scent as possible. He doesn’t give a fuck who’s watching, or what they think. This is Kate. She’s right here, right now, and he isn’t going to miss a thing. 

“Probably about as much as I missed you,” she says into his ear.

When he loosens his arms, he doesn’t completely let her go. He keeps his hands on her waist, just like he’d planned. His big hands could almost touch around her small waist. He’s looking down into her eyes, and they’re both smiling broadly and – what? Giggling, maybe? Oh, what the hell. This is a huge moment, and if they giggle through it, so be it. That is kinda them, anyway.

“Look at you! Assistant DA. You’ve come a long way, Carisi Homicide.”

“Got a long way to go, still, but I’m here.”

“I hardly know what to say to you. You look fantastic, and your family must be about dying with pride.”

“Yeah, they’re pretty happy. My Ma’s thrilled I’m not carryin’ a gun anymore, or gettin’ shot at.”

“Especially when I’m not around to save your ass.”

They smile at eachother and suddenly they’re hugging again.

“I saw you made Detective First Grade. Proud a’ you.”

Kate blushes a little and Sonny can feel that blush, way low down.

“I wanna see you. I can’t today, I’m neck deep, but sometime soon.”

Kate doesn’t know how to respond. She looks a little surprised.

“Please?”

“Shit, Sonny, of course I want to see you, I just, wasn’t expecting that is all.”

“We’re still friends, right?”

“Always.” 

“You got a boyfriend or somethin’, you could bring him along,” he says, praying fervently that she will say she doesn’t. He has no right to, but he wants to break things at the thought of her with someone else. Especially because she’s become even more beautiful since he’s seen her last. She moves with an authority that becomes her, that probably stems from the success she’s had at Brooklyn Narcotics. She’s wearing her hair down, and it’s got a little curl to it, and he wants nothing more than to run his hands through it and then grab handfuls and pull her to him and kiss her stupid. 

“I don’t, actually. You got a girlfriend?”

“Not me. I’m a little married to the DA’s office right now. So I guess it’ll be just us.”

“I guess so.”

“Can I call you?”

“Of course.”

They put each other’s current numbers into their phones and then it’s time for her to go. Court’s about to reconvene. They hug for the third time in ten minutes, and it lasts too long, but neither of them can let go. Sonny’s dick is definitely feeling Kate’s presence, which is eventually what makes him break the hug. 

After she says goodbye and he watches her leave the courtroom, giving him a little backward glance, he swears under his breath. He’s still as much in love with Kate Kinsella as he ever was. He’s tried, but he hasn’t met anyone who can hold a candle to her, and he realizes that, somewhere in his imaginings about seeing her today, he had dimly hoped that she would be different. That he would feel nothing and realize he’d moved on. Nope. His heart still belongs entirely to her.


	2. A Picture Of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny Carisi sees OC Kate Kinsella again, and she makes a sacrifice for him. Things look promising for them. Meanwhile, Sonny's assistant has a serious crush on him.

Kate hears a knock at her door and wonders who is bothering her at nine thirty on a Tuesday night. She decides not to answer it. Let whoever it is think whatever they want, she’s tired and she’s sad and she’s got a head and a heart full of Sonny Carisi, who looked so good this morning she just wants to sit here and replay every second over and over like a weepy love song. Whoever it is knocks again, harder this time. If they knock a third time, they’re gonna get put on blast and if she gets physical, it won’t be her fault. They knock a third time.

Kate swears and swings her legs off her couch. She’s wearing yoga pants and a T-shirt and her boobs have done their mandatory hours in a bra for today, so if the person has a problem with her being braless, they’re out of luck. She looks out the peephole and gasps.

She can’t form thoughts and her fingers are suddenly only marginally under her control as she fumbles with the locks and opens the door. Sonny is leaning against the wall next to her door, still wearing his suit from this morning and looking a little rumpled. He seems just a bit nervous as he looks uncertainly at her with a guilty grin. He doesn’t talk and neither does she. She just pulls him inside and he takes her into his arms, kicking the door closed behind him as he covers her mouth with his. They’re not the most technically proficient kisses ever, because both of them are too desperate and hungry for each other to focus on technique. They just need to get as close as possible as fast as possible. It’s like breathing again after suffocating all this time. They’re gasping and groaning immediately, and as soon as Kate starts to push Sonny’s suit coat off his shoulders, he knows he’d been right to come – as if he could have stopped himself. 

They’re clumsy and a little rough as they pull eachother’s clothes off on the way to her bedroom, and he almost falls over trying to get his shoes off. Taking their lips from each other’s seems physically painful; every time they have to break off their kisses to pull some item of clothing off or to climb onto the bed, they rush back together again as if afraid the spell will be broken and this won’t really be happening. There is nothing close to finesse or foreplay; Sonny’s inside Kate as soon as he can get on top of her and she can get her legs around him. 

That’s when they start talking. It’s more like gasping words between kisses and cries of indulgent joy. The point isn’t to reach a destination, at least for now. They’re there. What they need is closeness. Connection. They need to be Sonny and Kate again. They’re sure to come at some point, but right now all they want is this, to be as close as they can get, gorging themselves on each other after starving since the day Sonny left for his new life in Manhattan.

“Oh, fuck, Sonny… I missed you so much… I love you… Shit, you feel good… I love you, you have no idea…”

“Awwww, Katie, I love you… Shit, I – fuck, Kate – I missed you every minute of every day…”

“Me, too-“

“I had to see you. I couldn’t stand it…”

“I’m so glad! So glad you’re here…”

They change the order of the words, but the message is the same, over and over. It seems like forever that they just move together, _be_ together, saying all the things they’re feeling, both noticing with relieved joy that they’re the same things.

Sonny pulls out eventually because he needs to touch Kate everywhere, needs to get his mouth on her breasts, but he doesn’t go far, and pretty soon he’s back inside her. He can feel in the way she’s grinding her hips against him that she’s becoming more goal-oriented. He doesn’t want to come yet - he wants more time with his cock buried in this woman who is as necessary to him as oxygen - but she can come a lot more times than he can so he’s happy to help.

“Tell me what you need,” he groans, looking down at her as he slows his rhythm just a little.

“Me… on top-“ That’s all the words she can get out as he rolls them over. Once she can move against him any way she needs to, it isn’t long before she’s crying out and shuddering. When she starts to come down, he pulls her down to his chest, running his fingers through her hair the way he’d wanted to this morning, and holding her close. He’s only gently rocking his pelvis now, keeping the intimate connection he craves while he lets her catch her breath. 

In a minute, Kate lifts up enough to deposit a series of kisses across the parts of his chest she can reach before raising up on her arms to look into his eyes. 

“I love you, Carisi Homicide,” she whispers.

“I love you, too, Baby. I love you, too.”

He rolls them over again, beginning the long, languid strokes he especially loves, while he kisses her slow and deep. He’s feeling less desperate now, not as voraciously needy, and he thinks he might be able to survive just clinging to her naked body. It’s not quite as necessary to actually be inside her anymore. Besides, she feels so fucking good and it’s been so damn long and it’s not like this with anyone else and oh, shit, the wave is rolling through him now and he starts to come and his mind goes completely offline and he thinks it’s the longest orgasm he’s ever had. 

Lying together, arms and legs hopelessly tangled because they still need to be as close as possible, they don’t try to talk about what comes next. That’s too much right now, too hard. Right now, they feel complete and at rest for the first time in years and it’s enough. It’s plenty. Kate asks if Sonny can stay, and he says he’ll have to get up at a hideous hour in the morning, but he’s not going anywhere. 

She dozes with her face buried in his neck, but Sonny doesn’t sleep. He strokes her back and her hair, reveling in the weight of her on his chest. Where she belongs. He’s going to have to figure something out. And he will. They live in the same city, for fuck’s sake. It’s a ridiculously huge city, for sure, and the price to be together is going to be insanely high, but it always was. And now Sonny knows that he’s going to pay it, whatever it is, because he’s been half alive. He’s not giving Kate up again. 

Later, Kate wakes up when Sonny shifts position. There’s no moment of sleepy confusion; she knows it’s him and remembers what’s happened. She’s still laying in his arms with a leg between his, but she’s just far enough away that she can focus her eyes on him. He’s very warm, almost too warm, but there is no part of her that’s tempted to move further away from him. She lays there, smelling the scent of him that she’s ached for and just looking at him. His hair is FUBAR, and it’s sexy as hell, because of the way it got like that. She smiles a secret little smile. Sonny is here, in her bed, in her arms. All is right with the world. He came to her. He said that he couldn’t stand being apart. There is no decision to be made. Tomorrow, she will request a transfer to Manhattan Narcotics and, if it isn’t granted, raise holy hell until it is, or simply quit. She has no idea what she can do instead, and she hopes she won’t have to figure it out, but she’ll dig ditches twelve hours a day if she can come home to this. To him.

His eyes blink open and he grins sleepily. “You watchin’ me sleep?”

“Kinda. Mostly I was just thinking about you.”

Sonny makes a lazy, drowsy sound of happiness and pulls Kate to him. 

“I love you,” he murmurs, almost asleep again already.

Yeah. Kate will do whatever it takes, because she’s not giving Sonny up again.

As long as they’re both awake, though, she lets her hands wander. He doesn’t protest when she strokes him to hardness and then climbs on top of him, murmuring words of love while she slowly rides him until they both come.

********

About a year after Sonny moved to Manhattan, Ahmad Washington had made Sergeant. He remained Kate’s partner until the Captain finally had the inevitable heart attack, when Washington was appointed Acting Commander of the unit. Kate had never known that anyone actually lived the cliché of retiring to Boca Raton, but the Captain did exactly that and whenever they heard from him, he said he was living the dream.

Washington didn’t get the job as Commander – NYPD wanted at least a lieutenant in that position, so they transferred one in – but he pretty much runs the unit. The Lieu is a politician with his eyes on One PP, and doesn’t really like to get his hands dirty with things like details. So it’s Washington to whom Kate goes the next morning. They know each other well, and he knows she’s got something on her mind.

“You’re about to ask me for something.” His tone isn’t unkind, but he’s turned out to be the kind of boss who runs a tight ship. Their long partnership and his deep fondness for Kate notwithstanding, he doesn’t do her special favors. She respects him for it.

Her face tells him it’s something big. She doesn’t look right, like she didn’t get much sleep the night before or something. When she calls him ‘Ahmad’, he realizes this is going to be serious.

“Ahmad, you know how I feel about you, and about the 92nd. I’ve been in Brooklyn North my whole career, and it’s always going to be home. But I gotta go.”

Washington says nothing, just runs his hand over his bald head like he does. He feels gut punched. He’ll never understand how a middle-aged black man can have such affinity with this disaster-prone white girl. Their backgrounds and their lives are nothing alike. But then again, they were partners. They’ve been through some shit together. Saved each other’s lives a few times. 

“I’m requesting a transfer to Manhattan. I’ll take anything in Manhattan, but if I could specify, I’d ask for Manhattan South. And I want it yesterday.”

“May I ask why the sudden need for a transfer yesterday?”

“That’s where Sonny is.”

Washington raises an eyebrow. “He’s been there, what? A few years now. And I thought you two were over a long time ago.”

“We were. Well, we weren’t, but you remember what happened. We couldn’t make it work with him there and me here, and the Cap wouldn’t let me transfer.”

“He was right. You wouldn’t be where you are now if you’d transferred out.”

“I know. But this time, I’m not taking no for an answer.”

Washington tapped his pen thoughtfully on his desk blotter. “I didn’t know you two were back together.”

“I’m telling you now.” Kate’s not going to explain that she saw Sonny for the first time since their breakup just the day before, because if she does, she knows Washington will make her wait. He’ll think this is a snap decision based on nothing but hormones and he’ll tell her to give herself time to think it through. She doesn’t want to. She doesn’t need to.

“Kinsella, be sure. Because I think we can make it happen this time. But, you know how it is. Once you transfer, that’s a bell you can’t un-ring.”

“I know. And I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

“All right. If you’re sure. I’m gonna miss the hell out of you, but if this is what you want, let’s do the paperwork. I’ll handle the Lieu.”

***********

Sonny is starting a trial. The biggest one of his career, although that’s not saying much, since his law career is just beginning. He has no time for anything else. He had no time to go to Brooklyn the night before, but after seeing Kate in the courtroom, after holding her again, it wasn’t optional. Today, he has no room in his head for anything but this case, although Kate is in there, anyway. She told him this morning to focus on the trial, that they’ve waited this long, they can wait a little longer to figure things out. So that’s what he’s trying to do. But he’s still getting aftershocks, because he keeps flashing back to Kate’s cries the night before, the way she’d felt, the way she’d smelled… He thinks he can still taste her, although that’s probably his imagination.

He calls her that night from his tiny little office. He loves his office. He knows it’s not anything like Barba’s office – no, Chief Hadid’s now - and he’s fine with that. It’s enough to know that he, Sonny Carisi, has a room at One Hogan Place with his name on it. He can only imagine what Barba would say about this closet of an office – nothing kind, that’s for sure. But Sonny thinks that there would be a tiny bit of respect hidden beneath whatever snide remark Barba would make. Barba would have grudgingly – very grudgingly – admitted that he’d done well. He doesn’t know where Barba is – nobody does – and he sends up a quick prayer that, wherever he is, he’s ok.

Kate picks up on the third ring. She’s out at a crime scene, but she has time to tell him she loves him, and that he is not supposed to be thinking about her right now.

“Tell that to my brain,” he replies. She can hear the little smile in his voice, and imagines his pink lips, just the barest hint of teeth showing, and his eyes twinkling. 

He makes her promise to stay with him the night before she has to testify, and to meet him the night his trial ends, no matter what. They both know their lives don’t let them make promises like that, but she promises anyway. They just like the idea that they will see each other again soon.

***************

Kate is nervous. Sonny says the trial is going well, and she’s not nervous about testifying. She has a great new suit to wear, and it has pants, so she doesn’t even have to deal with nylons. But sitting here at some restaurant called Forlini’s near Sonny’s office the night before she’s scheduled to testify, she is nervous about what she’s getting ready to say. It’s one thing to talk about ‘making it work’. It’s another to actually take concrete steps, change her life, to be closer to Sonny. After all, it’s been years. Sure, they seem to fit together as well as they always have, but what if they’ve changed in ways they just haven’t recognized yet? What if he just wants a physical relationship and when he said “work things out”, he didn’t really mean “get back together”? Maybe she’s jumped the gun asking for a transfer.

“You know, I could always tell when you had somethin’ to say, and you were workin’ up the nerve to say it.” Kate focuses on the crinkles around Sonny’s eyes as he smiles. 

“And, apparently, you still can.” She says. “I do have something to tell you.”

“Everything OK?” Sonny’s expressive face registers his concern.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. It’s just that… I, um… did something. And now that it’s done, I think it might have been a little premature.”

“What did you do?”

“I, um…” She looks into his eyes, willing him to react favorably to this. “I asked for a transfer to Manhattan South.”

Sonny’s grin starts immediately. It’s small at first, although his eyes are already in full smile mode. Kate watches it grow until it changes his whole face, and he glows like someone lit a candle inside him. “Katie, that’s… Holy shit. Yeah, I mean… that could work. That would be… perfect.”

She’s relieved. “Are you sure? You’re not feeling, I don’t know, stalked?”

“Hell, no! How many times have I said I want to be with you? Did you think I was just sayin’ that?”

“I know, but it’s been a long time. I just didn’t want you to feel pressured, like if I move to Manhattan, that means you’re obligated somehow.”

“Look, I get what you’re sayin’. It’s fast. We just found each other again. We can go slow. I mean, not sexually, cuz obviously that’s not gonna happen, but…” Kate’s insides turned to mush when he smiled at her like that. “No pressure. We could…” Sonny tries to keep it light, but he was never good at hiding his feelings, and he doesn’t want to now. She might be skittish, but he isn’t. “Katie, I never felt for anyone what I feel for you. Nobody even came close. So I want you here, and I know you’d do great here. This is right. This is what I want.”

“Me, too.” 

They hold hands across the table. The looks they’re giving each other make a couple of people in the restaurant smirk, and the waiter gives them a few minutes before bringing their dinners. He’s seen the guy here before, he’s a cop or something, but he’s never seen the chick. The cop guy always seemed like kind of a goofball. He’s not surprised to see him acting like such a lovesick fool with his girl. 

After dinner, they decide to walk to Sonny’s apartment. It’s a nice night, they’re together, and suddenly they have time. They’ve both been looking forward to tonight, but somewhere in both their minds has been the sense that it would be like their night together the week before: stolen and frenzied, with an element of trying to get enough of each other to last through the long, lonely time to come. Now, with the possibility that they might actually have a chance to be together, to make a life together, things feel a little different. There’s less desperation. It feels like they can relax a bit and just enjoy each other.

But they’re still looking forward to reaching Sonny’s apartment, where they can be alone together. Kate’s feeling relieved; Sonny couldn’t have reacted better to the news that she’d requested a transfer. Now she wants to get him naked and prove to him that having her here would be a good thing. Sonny’s feeling a lot of things. He’d decided to do whatever it took to be with Kate, but he’s a little relieved not to have to give up the life he’s building. And he’s grateful as hell to her for being the one to make the sacrifice, even though, realistically, she’s the only one who could at this point. Career-wise, it might actually be good for her. But he feels a huge responsibility; she’s uprooting her entire life for him. He wants to get her naked and prove to her that he’s worth it.

A woman comes up behind them, calling Sonny’s name breathlessly, as though she’s been running to catch up with them. She’s flushed and a little sweaty. Her glasses are a little fogged up on the inside and she takes them off and wipes them on the tail of her shirt. She’s looking at Sonny as though he is her lord and savior, manifested here on Earth and just about to deliver the secret of eternal joy. She does not look at Kate. At all.

“Hi, Sonny,” she says, in a voice that’s a bit nasal and more than a bit flirtatious. 

“Oh, hey, Mary,” Sonny replies. Kate hasn’t seen Sonny for quite a while, but she doesn’t have to be a detective to sense that, underneath his friendly demeanor, he’s not happy to see this woman. He’s uncomfortable. “Headed home?”

“Yeah,” she responds, smiling too much. “I finished putting together your binders for your witnesses tomorrow.”

“Oh, thanks. I appreciate it. Uh, Mary Duderon, my assistant,” he turns to Kate, putting an arm around her. “This is Kate Kinsella.” He looks Kate in the eye, smiling. “My girlfriend.”

Kate feels lightheaded hearing that and beams at Sonny. 

Mary isn’t beaming. She’s also not looking at Kate when she mutters, “Hey.” 

Then she turns the smile back on and starts asking Sonny whether he wants something or other. Kate doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Sonny kindly tells her it’s not necessary, whatever it is. Mary looks disappointed. Kate thinks Mary’s neck probably hurts at the end of a day if she spends the whole time looking up at Sonny like that, because Mary is not much over five feet tall. She’s carrying a good fifty extra pounds for a frame that size and, as a result, her proportions make her look decidedly square. She so obviously has a crush on Sonny that Kate thinks about how they’d look as a couple. Weird, Kate decides. She can’t really feel jealous, because she’s not getting any attraction from Sonny at all to this short, squat woman. In fact - and this surprises Kate - he seems to feel the opposite. He’s actually backing up a little as Mary crowds into his personal space. Which seems like a strange thing for her to be doing, when he’s holding hands with another woman he’s just introduced as his girlfriend.

“Well, Mary, we’re gonna get goin’. Goodnight,” he says, turning around and pulling on Kate’s hand as he begins to walk a little fast. He puts his arm back around Kate, squeezing her possessively, which she likes but she’s pretty sure it’s not for her benefit. 

“Bye, Sonny,” they hear Mary call plaintively after him.

Neither Sonny nor Kate say anything for about half a block. Kate’s not sure how to talk about what just happened. Teasing Sonny about it doesn’t feel right, because he seems a little disturbed by it. 

“Sorry about that,” he finally mutters. “She’s my assistant. Well, mine and two other ADAs. She’s a little… I dunno.”

“She has a crush on you.”

“I know. It’s kinda embarrassing.”

Kate shrugs. “Makes perfect sense to me. I have a crush on you, too.”

Sonny blushes and smiles down at his feet. 

“Is she good at her job?”

“Yeah. Yeah, she is. I mean, I never had an assistant before, so I don’t really have anything to compare her to, but she gets me what I need, and she definitely makes my life easier.”

“Then don’t worry about it. Just keep your distance.”

“She’ll get over it pretty soon, dontcha think?”

Kate laughs and squeezes Sonny as they walk. “I’m the wrong person to ask. I never did.”

*********

Sonny had to do a lot of work in advance in order to be able to take a whole night off with Kate during the trial. It was infinitely worth it, and Kate’s testimony this morning was devastating to the defense. But now she’s back in Brooklyn and he’s playing catch-up, and he didn’t exactly get a good night’s sleep. It’s after seven p.m. and he’s not getting out of the office anytime soon. 

He looks at the little snapshot of himself and Kate propped against his desk lamp and grins just a little. For a few bucks, you can have a picture of you and your dinner companions taken at Forlini’s, and they print it out for you right then. It’s not much, but it’s the only picture of them he has to put on his desk, and he’s ridiculously happy about having it there to look at whenever he wants. 

Mary comes in with some things for him to sign. She’s been slightly off today. Her mousy brown hair looks like it hasn’t been washed, and she looks a little sad, or angry, or annoyed. Something. It’s hard to put his finger on, but it’s there. He would think it was about seeing him with Kate last night, but Mary’s seen him date a couple of other women. Granted, he didn’t introduce them as his girlfriend, but even so, she didn’t seem to react to them. So maybe it’s something else. Sonny doesn’t have time to worry about it.

Maurice sticks his head in the door. “Hey, Carisi, you remember my weenie-waver? The one on the carousel?”

“Yeah?” Sonny smiles. It’s a good story. No kids were hurt; they reacted by laughing and pointing. One of the moms took video with her phone until another mom punched the guy out and sat on him until the cops arrived. 

“He pled out in five minutes. I didn’t even have time to set my briefcase down. Which means I win the pool for this week.”

“Nice,” Sonny laughs as Mary silently shuffles out of his office. 

Maurice watches her leave and then asks conspiratorially, “What’d you do to Sister Mary Dude Ranch?”

“So I’m not just imagining it.”

“Naw, man, she’s pissed at you. I don’t think you’re gettin’ any tonight, bro.”

“Knock it off.”

“Don’t worry. It’s probably not over between you two. She’s just mad. I’m sure she still wants to have your babies.” Maurice loves to tease Sonny about this. 

“Fuck off. I got work to do.”

Maurice walks away, laughing.

************

The last day of the trial finally arrives. Sonny cannot wait for it to be over. Sure, it’s exciting to be part of a major criminal trial, but it’s also exhausting and Sonny needs a break. He’s thrilled when, just after three in the afternoon, the case gets turned over to the jury. He kinda hopes their deliberations take a while. He’d love to get a little nap in his office. 

He dumps his briefcase on his desk and hangs up his jacket on the hanger behind his door, then rolls up his shirtsleeves as he walks around his desk to sit and text Kate. He reflexively glances over at the picture of them at Forlini’s. It’s not there. He thinks it must have gotten mixed up with some papers on his desk, but he sifts through them and doesn’t find it. He looks around on the floor. Not there. He looks everywhere again. He likes that picture. He has some on his phone - a couple of Kate and some silly selfies they took when she was in Manhattan - but that’s the only one on paper and, besides, it’s a good picture. Where’d it go? 

He spends ten minutes looking, and now he’s sure it’s not in his office. 

Mary comes in with some coffee and a cookie from the place he likes down the street. She’s smiling and happy today. “I brought you a treat, to celebrate the end of your trial,” she says, too enthusiastically.

Sonny is irritated. He can’t help but wonder if she took his picture because she’s jealous of Kate. It seems like an overreaction on his part, and he takes a deep breath to make sure he doesn’t snap at her. “Well, we don’t have a verdict, yet.”

“I know. We’ll celebrate the end of the trial now, and then when you get a conviction, we’ll celebrate that.” She smiles cheerfully. 

“Hey, have you seen that little picture that was here by my lamp? Of me and Kate at Forlini’s?”

Mary glances over at the lamp with just the slightest edge of distaste in her expression. “Haven’t seen a picture.”

Sonny gives it up, leans back in his chair with his long legs stretched out in front of him, and texts Kate. He doesn’t tell her about the picture.


	3. Turning Up The Heat

It takes three days, but the guy on trial is convicted. He gets two consecutive life sentences. It’s a stunning victory for the prosecution and it makes great headlines, which means that the DA, One PP, and a whole lot of people with “Chief” in their titles are happy. The big shots get to take a victory lap in front of the national press and the FBI, and they’re making the most of it. They find as many cameras as possible in time to make the evening news, and by five p.m. there are a lot of satisfied people around Foley Square. They take over Maxwell’s. Because it also happens to be a Friday, things get a little out of hand. Even Vanessa Hadid overindulges a little bit (to be fair, she hasn’t been sleeping or eating much, as usual for her during a trial) and Sonny finds himself standing in front of DA Jack McCoy’s table with Ms. Hadid’s arm around his neck. It’s uncomfortable in a number of ways, not least of which is that he’s a lot taller than she is, so his choices are to bend over or be strangled.

“This guy,” she enthuses to McCoy, planting a sloppy kiss on Sonny’s cheek. “He’s gonna be a star.”

McCoy is only marginally less uncomfortable than Sonny, but Sonny sees the comment register with him. “Well done, Mr. Carisi,” McCoy says. 

_Holy shit, the DA knows who I am! I can’t wait to tell Kate about this._ He wonders again where Kate is, and hopes she’ll make the party. They’d decided to wait until the verdict came in for her promised post-trial visit, and she’s due any time. She didn’t know when she’d be able to leave the station, so the plan is for her to toss some clothes at Sonny’s apartment and meet him here. 

Sonny sees Olivia Benson and Dean Porter through a break in the crowd. He wonders again whether there’s anything between them and has a split second to register their very friendly body language before the crowd blocks his view and Ms. Hadid drops an F-bomb. She’s not drunk enough to miss the looks on some faces at the DA’s table, so she mercifully lets go of Sonny to excuse herself to talk to someone across the room. Sonny excuses himself awkwardly and leaves the table, too.

He thinks he’ll say hello to Benson and Porter, so he’s making his way toward them when he spots Kate, just inside the door, looking helplessly around for a familiar face. Her hair is in a knot at the back of her neck and he really likes the way loose tendrils have escaped around her face. She looks so pretty standing there, he’s sure he would have noticed her even if she were a stranger. She’s wearing a casual dress made of some soft material in a muted green pattern he really likes, and he especially likes that the dress shows off her long legs and has an open neckline that is just slightly on the right side of appropriate. She sees him when he gets to within about ten feet of her, and slips around a group of people to meet him with a hug and a kiss. He wants to kiss her more, and he plans to, but first he wants to show her off.

Sonny leads Kate across the bar, which takes some time due to the raucous crowd, toward a table where some of his colleagues and a number of the support staff from his office are laughing and carrying on. Most of them are younger than Sonny and Kate are, but it’s clear they really like Sonny. He introduces Kate to everyone, a proprietary arm around her waist. When he gets to Mary Duderon, Kate tries to be as friendly as possible, making sure she knows that Kate recognizes her from their previous meeting. It doesn’t work. Mary minimally acknowledges her and doesn’t make eye contact. Kate sees a couple of guys standing close by exchange an amused look.

Sonny introduces Kate to them last, because they’re standing next to him, at the end of the circle of people he’s just introduced to Kate. She despairs of remembering any of their names, but these two guys she’s heard of, because they’re the guys with whom Sonny shares Mary as an assistant. The three of them have also bonded over the long hours and pressures of being fairly new ADAs. 

Maurice Mikhail is the shorter of the two. He’s dark-skinned, but his ethnicity isn’t readily apparent from his looks or his name. His wide, open smile makes him look like a guy who is always looking for a laugh, and Kate thinks he looks just like Sonny’s description of him. Scott Lam looks a few years older than Maurice, and seems a bit more serious. His features have a definite Asian look, although he looks like he’s multiracial. He shakes Kate’s hand and looks into her eyes as he greets her. _Somebody taught this guy nice manners_, Kate thinks. 

Sonny leaves Kate with Maurice and Scott and goes to get her a glass of wine. Maurice starts right in. He looks over his shoulder to see that everyone around the big table has resumed conversations among themselves. None of the individual conversations is discernable from the others in the din of the packed bar.

“So how do you know the Dude Ranch?” He asks, amusement all over his face as he tosses his head to indicate the table. 

Kate knows he’s talking about Mary. Sonny has told her that, around the office, Mary’s surname has been turned into a nickname of sorts behind her back. Many of the more junior ADAs call her Sister Mary Dude Ranch, because she really does bear many of the stereotypical characteristics of the type of woman who used to be called a spinster, including the fact that she has several cats. But Kate is offended on Mary’s behalf and doesn’t appreciate the casual cruelty, especially toward a skilled woman whose job makes theirs possible. 

“I beg your pardon?” She asks, her tone intentionally icy.

Scott breaks in. “Don’t listen to him. He’s an imbecile. He’s part of the DA’s program for special needs lawyers. What he means is, it seems like you know our assistant, Mary.”

Kate smiles at Scott, hoping that in some way, she’s sent a bit of a signal. “Oh, Mary. We met a couple of weeks ago. Sonny says she’s pretty good.” 

Maurice elbows Scott in the side, and Kate revises her estimate of his age down a bit. 

“She is. We appreciate her,” Scott says, ignoring Maurice. 

They begin to ask Kate about her job, and their questions make it clear Sonny’s been talking about her. It’s also clear they have a lot of mistaken ideas learned from cop shows. They’re especially interested in Kate’s version of the story of how she and Sonny met. Sonny appears with drinks for himself and Kate just as Maurice is exclaiming, “I wouldn’t have thought Carisi had that kinda badassery in him.”

Kate is glad to see Sonny. She’s also glad to see a glass of alcohol with her name on it. Running into a gunfight to save Sonny made her less nervous than having to hold her own in a room full of strangers she wants to impress for his sake. Taking a healthy drink, she happens to glance over at the table of Sonny’s coworkers, and notices Mary glaring at her with an expression that reminds Kate of something. It takes her a second to realize that it’s the look on the face of a perp with a low opinion of women when she slaps the cuffs on. Kate shivers and turns away.

Sonny feels ten feet tall. He has just won his first big case – OK, he was only second chair, but still – and his bosses are pleased with him. His SVU squad is proud of him, too. He feels like he’s on his way, like he may have successfully made the transition to the DA’s office and, until this moment, he hadn’t realized how frightening that leap really had been. And then there’s Kate. He still can’t believe she’s here, back in his life, back in his plans, back in his arms. He hasn’t taken his arm from around her all night. Yes, he wants everyone to see his beautiful girlfriend. But it’s much more than that. It’s just so right that she should be here to celebrate this first big win with him. Having her by his side feels like… He can’t even explain it to himself. It’s like his life was VHS before, and now it’s Blu-ray. Or whatever comes after that. And he’s insanely proud when people recognize her name and comment on her reputation in the NYPD. It’s a very good night for Sonny Carisi.

They stay at Maxwell’s until after midnight, when the party has pretty much wound down.

Sonny and Kate flop down on his couch immediately upon finally making it to his apartment and pull off their shoes. They’ve been standing for hours, talking and celebrating and networking. They’re exhausted and, although they aren’t drunk, they have been steadily sipping drinks all night. For a few minutes, they just slouch, side by side, heads back on the cushions. 

“That was… somethin’,” Sonny says. “I never saw so many mucky-mucks in my life.”

“No kiddin’. And they were all there to celebrate _your_ win.” 

Sonny chuckles skeptically. “A small cog in a big machine.”

“Bullshit. You were sitting right there at the prosecution table. You questioned - how many witness was it again? You’re a regular big deal, Baby. Get used to it.”

Sonny puts a hand on Kate’s thigh. “I loved havin’ you there tonight.”

Kate puts her hand over his and turns her head where it rests on the cushion to look at him. “I loved being introduced as your girlfriend.” 

“Was that OK? I didn’t mean to get ahead of things…” 

“I mean it, Sonny, I loved it. I wanna be your girlfriend. And I want you to be my boyfriend.”

“I already am, Katie. I’m yours.” 

Sonny reaches for her and they don’t come up for air until quite some time later, when Kate has Sonny’s shirt open and untucked, and Sonny has Kate’s dress on the floor. 

“Do you think you can stand any more good news today?” She asks, running her fingers through his hair in a vain attempt to get it back under some control. He is lying on top of her, looking down at her and playing with her hair, too. 

“I dunno. It’s been –“ Sonny is on the point of making a joke when he has a thought. “Holy shit, Kate. Your transfer came through?”

“You’re making out with the newest Detective in Manhattan South Narcotics.”

For the next five minutes, Sonny stumbles through excited half-sentences, alternating with kisses and hugs, punctuated by excited shouts. He feels drunk in several ways, and finally has to sit up and hold his head in his hands, trying to assimilate all that has happened today. “This is too much. I feel like I’m havin’ a dream and I’m gonna wake up in the crib in the SVU squad room with midterms in a week.” He looks over at her. “And you in Brooklyn.”

“Nope. It’s all real. You’re a big shot and I’m a traitor to Brooklyn North. The guys stole everything that was in my locker and then filled it with paper from the shredder soaked in beer.”

Sonny laughed. “That’s cop love.”

“I know. I’m gonna miss them. But you’re worth it.”

“I’m gonna remind you of that when you’re in the middle of moving and I break something.”

The rest of the night is a happy blur. When they get to bed, Kate tells Sonny to lay back and spends what feels like hours touching, stroking, kissing, and licking him everywhere, all the while murmuring compliments and love. She gives him a spectacular climax, curling a finger inside him; Kate is the only woman he’s ever trusted enough to let her do that. Sonny has to smile at the memories evoked when he pulls her in to spoon with him and, together, they finger her to orgasm. It’s a compromise they made back in their Brooklyn days. She doesn’t always have to come; she likes the idea that sometimes she wears him out. It’s kind of a compliment, actually, if he can’t keep from falling asleep. But he has a thing about making sure she’s satisfied, too, and this way is quick and efficient, and they’re both happy. It takes him less than two minutes to fall asleep afterward. 

*************

Sonny doesn’t find the picture of himself and Kate at Forlini’s. After a while, he forgets about it because Kate gives him a framed picture of them at Maxwell’s on the night of the verdict celebration. It’s a great picture, and it’s a reminder of one of the best nights of Sonny’s life. Unfortunately, it gets knocked off his desk and the glass gets broken. He assumes it was the cleaning people who broke it, and means to replace the glass, but just hasn’t gotten around to it yet. He has other pictures of them, too, as the desktop background and screen saver on his computer, so it’s not that big a deal.

Besides which, he has the real Kate, who will be moving to Manhattan this weekend. They’ve decided that “no pressure” includes not moving in together, at least not now. Neither of them really thinks they won’t be successful in picking up their relationship again, but it kinda makes sense. Besides, Kate was able to sublet a tiny studio apartment from a cop Sonny knows at SVU who’s just moved in with her girlfriend and has most of a year left on her lease. It’s more expensive than her one-bedroom in Brooklyn, but it’s not too bad, and she’s not expecting to be there much, if things go well with Sonny.

Sonny’s never been one to hide anything, and his friends at work don’t mind hearing about Kate’s impending arrival. Scott is married and his wife is expecting their first baby, so he’s kind of blasé about the whole thing, but Maurice thinks Sonny is the luckiest SOB on the planet. He sees Kate as somewhere between Wonder Woman and Beyoncé and, since hearing the story of how they met, has a little bit of hero worship going for Sonny, as well. The problem is Mary. Any time she hears Sonny talking about Kate, Sonny has to endure stony silence for the rest of the day. It’s annoying, but she does a good job, and Sonny doesn’t want to get her into trouble by complaining.

He did once try to talk to her about it. He asked her to have a seat in one of the chairs before his desk, closed the door, and sat on the edge of his desk, looking down at her. His intention was to be kind of fatherly, although she was at least his age. The look on her face as she gazed up at him was almost beatific, which made him even more uncomfortable that he had been to begin with. But when he began to explain that he’d noticed she sometimes became silent and standoffish with him – he’d decided not to mention Kate – she started to cry. He tried to console her while standing his ground. She looked at him with puppy eyes awash in tears and a trembling lip. He tried again, soft-pedaling as best he could. She wailed. He said maybe it was his imagination. She began to hyperventilate. He panicked, shoved a handful of tissues in her hand and began to apologize profusely and, in the end, promised that he, Sonny, would try to behave better in the future. 

Sonny knows women. Sonny grew up with three sisters, and they’re all close. But for the life of him, he can’t figure out how to deal with Mary. So he doesn’t. Instead, he avoids talking about Kate when she’s likely to be around and tries to keep as much distance as he can. Which isn’t easy when Mary is in his office a hundred times a day, on one excuse or another, and brings him coffee and treats no matter how much he tries to discourage her. He tried telling her he was trying to cut down on caffeine. She brought him decaf. He told her he was trying to cut out sugar and carbs. She brought him horrible sugar- and carb-free treats he wasn’t even sure were actual food. But he had to eat them, because she checked. He saw her look in the trash to make sure he hadn’t just tossed anything. She is relentless. When he actually finds himself sprinkling crumbs on the napkin on his desk and going to another floor to throw a particularly horrible fruit bar in the trash, he gives in and casually mentions he’s back on caffeine, sugar, and carbs. It’s easier to just let her bring real coffee and real treats and just eat the damn things.

***********

Anything that can go wrong with Kate’s move does. For some reason, the moving truck company thinks she cancelled her reservation and doesn’t have another truck, which means she spends valuable time chasing down another available truck on no notice. The keys aren’t where the previous tenant left them, so she has to get a locksmith to make new keys. When she does finally get in, she’s hit with a terrible smell that comes from a dead rat under one of the windows. That is somewhat of a mystery, because the rat is well decomposed, but Sonny’s friend only vacated the apartment a few days before. Being so far behind schedule, however, Kate doesn’t have the luxury of time to worry about it. Especially since she has to get moved in before the sun goes down, because there is no electricity, and won’t be until at least the next day. Somehow, Con Ed is also under the impression that she cancelled her appointment. 

A couple of Kate’s cop friends and their spouses help her and Sonny with the move, and they take it all in stride, which helps Kate stay calm. Besides, she and Sonny are pretty much delirious to finally be at this point. Neither of them has forgotten what it was like to be apart, aching for each other, trying without success to get over one another. There’s not much that can dim the joy of this day. 

Kate finds herself staring at Sonny sometimes. He’s only gotten better looking over time. She decides she really likes the silver in his hair, and she’s captivated anew by his mouth – she’s always had a thing about his smile. He has the best smile she’s ever seen, and he’s smiling more than usual today. Sometimes he catches her looking at him with a sort of deer in the headlights expression, and it gets to him. She looks at him the way he feels about her. 

They get Kate’s things moved and she takes them all out for pizza and beer. It’s been a good day, regardless of the problems. They laugh and drink to the future and it feels like Christmas morning. Sonny has a plan; he tells Kate he wants them to stay in her new place tonight. She looks at him like he’s lost his mind, but she can’t say no to him, especially today, and they go back to the little studio with no electricity, nothing unpacked, and the bed not even put together yet. 

Earlier, Sonny put the box holding Kate’s bedding in one corner so he could find it again. He also took some candles out of a box marked “candles” and lined them up on the windowsill. Now, by candlelight, he pulls the mattress and box spring down from where they’re leaning against a wall and makes a nest of blankets and pillows. There, he makes love to Kate slowly and thoroughly by the light of one candle sitting nearby on the floor and it’s like electricity would only have gotten in the way of this perfect moment. 

**********

It’s taken a while for Kate to get used to Manhattan South. They have a different way of doing some things, and she’s careful not to make any “that’s not the way we did it in Brooklyn” comments that will get her ostracized. Her partner is a good guy who seems to be happy enough to be partnered with her. He smooths some of the rough edges and teaches her what she needs to know without treating her like a moron. She thinks they’ll do well together.

She’s long since moved into her studio, small as it is, and for the most part she likes it. There are two things she’s not crazy about. First, she comes home sometimes to find dead things in there. Rats, mice, a snake once. And they’re always decomposed enough to smell. Which leads to the second thing. Someone comes into her studio when she’s not there. She’s almost sure of it. She doesn’t think there is any other way for the dead things to get in there; the apartment’s so small, she thinks she would have known they were there if they crawled in themselves. And things are just slightly off sometimes. A drawer messed up. Things moved on a shelf. A favorite picture of her and Sonny at Coney Island taken years before fallen to the floor and the glass broken. She spends more time at Sonny’s, however, than she does here, so she can’t be absolutely sure. So she doesn’t ask the Super to change the locks, or say anything to Sonny. 

There’s not much that could make her regret the move, though. After three months in Manhattan, God knows she’s happy, and she thinks Sonny is, too.

She’s right about that. Sonny’s starting to wonder how long he should wait before he asks her to move in with him, or whether he should ask her to marry him first, or how this should go. He remembers their “no pressure” agreement, and he doesn’t feel pressured by Kate at all. But the agreement goes both ways, and he doesn’t want to pressure her, either. His sister Gina counsels patience. She says to wait until it’s been at least six months. She also gives him shit about being like a puppy when it comes to Kate, but it’s all just sibling teasing. All of the Carisis are glad to have Kate back. 

Sonny feels like, even as hard as he’s working, his life couldn’t be better. Ms. Hadid is letting him handle arraignments and even motions now. From the beginning, she’s deferred to him when it comes to questioning defendants. She knows talent and experience when she sees it. He’s looking forward to sitting first chair at his first trial, which will necessarily have to be something small, but it’ll be huge to him. 

The one dark spot continues to be Mary. She’s become overtly flirtatious now, in a way. She never calls him “Sonny” anymore. Now he’s “Sweetie” or “Honey” or “My Dear.” It’s totally inappropriate, but in every other way, she does a great job. It’s time to have another talk with her. It’s past time, actually, but he dreads it. He’s sure it will end up like the last time, but it has to be done. Between the treats and the nicknames and the fawning, if he doesn’t address it, he’s complicit or, worse, leading her on. 

He chooses a Friday afternoon, because that way if she gets upset, she can go straight home and have time to recover. He says a prayer to St. Michael the Archangel as he’s waiting for her. A conversation with his assistant shouldn’t require him to ask a sword-wielding seraph to defend him in battle, but it does. 

Mary walks into his office. Her pink dress is a bit oversize, like all her clothes, and does her figure no favors. She’s smiling the smile Sonny’s come to think of as creepy and she stands leaning against the front of his desk expectantly. 

“Go ahead and have a seat, Mary,” Sonny says, getting up and closing the door. She watches his every move, her hopeful simper maybe burning just a bit brighter at the idea of being alone with him behind closed doors.

“You said you wanted to talk to me. What is it, sweetie?”

Sonny goes to sit back behind his desk. “Well, um… that’s just it. You and I are colleagues in a professional environment, and it’s important to behave that way. So I wanted to ask you to call me Sonny, not anything else, like sweetie, or honey.”

Tears well in her eyes and she goes first pale, then bright red and blotchy. “Don’t you like me?”

That question is wrong in so many ways, Sonny shouldn’t be prepared for it. But he is. He has actually role-played this conversation with Kate. They covered this precise question.

“Mary, I think you are very good at your job, and I appreciate working with you. I have no complaints at all, except that I would like you to stick to calling me Sonny.”

“But we’re friends, right?”

Another question he’s practiced. “We’re friends and professional coworkers. That’s how we should treat each other.”

“It’s that Kate, isn’t it? She’s jealous of us.” This one they didn’t practice. Sonny would not have foreseen the sudden venom in Mary’s expression and her voice. Her brown eyes were swimming in tears a moment ago, but now they’re narrowed and her lip is actually curled. Out of reflex, Sonny moves his hand to his holster which, of course, isn’t there anymore. 

Right away, he recognizes that as the overreaction it was, and tries to take a deep breath and return to the script. “We’re talking about you and me here, Mary. The way you and I treat each other here in the office. All I’m asking is that you don’t call me anything except my name. OK? That’s it.”

The venom is gone as fast as it came, and now it’s time for tears. Tissues have been prepositioned on the edge of Sonny’s desk for just this purpose, and Sonny and Kate have decided that not reacting to the tears is the way to go. 

“Sonny, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you feel bad. I’d never do that. I just really like you, and I like working for you, and I thought you liked me back.”

“I like you just fine, Mary. I’m just asking for this one thing. One professional to another.”

“Is that all we are to each other? After everything I’ve done for you?” 

Sonny thinks about that robot in that old show that used to flail its arms and yell, “Danger, Will Robinson!” He had actually done that, sitting on his bed in his boxers, role-playing this conversation with Kate, who was wearing the shirt he’d taken off to go to bed. Kate had actually predicted this, word for word. 

“We’re coworkers. I think we have a good working relationship. All I’m asking for is to be called by my name.”

She’s in full weeping mode now, having helped herself to the tissues placed before her. Sonny braces for hyperventilation, like last time. But instead, Mary does something that really creeps him out. She pulls herself together. After about three minutes of eye wiping and nose blowing, she looks at him with eyes that are red-rimmed, but calm. Still, there’s something there… The detective in Sonny wouldn’t trust a perp who looked at him like this. She’s angry. He’s sure of it. 

“I understand. Maybe I shouldn’t call you by your first name at all. I know some of the assistants use ‘Mister’ or ‘Ms.’ I could do that for you.”

“Sonny is fine. I’m not a ‘mister’ kind of guy.”

“All right. Is there anything else?”

“No, that was it. I’m sorry you’re upset. I just want us to be appropriate and professional. That’s all.”

Mary gets up and leaves, that unnatural calm still pulled over her like a camouflage tarp. Sonny shivers.

***********

When Kate finishes her shift on Sunday night, her partner drops her off at Sonny’s office. Tom Hensler is a dedicated cop who enjoys ribbing Kate about dating an ADA, given the continual strain between the NYPD and the DA’s office over cases and evidence. In truth, however, he and Sonny actually get along well. Tom and his wife, Kelly, have been out together with Sonny and Kate a few times in the months that Kate and Tom have been partners, and they all have quite a bit in common. Kelly is a police dispatcher and mother of their three-year-old twins - little boys who, since meeting Sonny, constantly ask their parents when Sonny can come back to play with them.

Sonny is waiting just inside the building, having finished the work he’s come in to do and ready to go home. He gives Kate a smile that lights up her world and they begin to walk together to Kate’s apartment, enjoying the nice evening and just being together. Upon reaching Kate’s building, they can immediately smell something when they come in the front door. There’s no smoke, but it’s definitely a burning smell. 

“Should we call the Fire Department?” Kate asks, concerned.

“There’s no smoke,” Sonny answers. “Let’s go talk to the Super.” 

They knock on the door of one of the apartments on the ground floor, which is almost immediately opened by a thin, white-haired man in his sixties, looking as though he’s had a long day. “Oh, there you are. Let’s go take a look,” he says. 

“Did something happen?” Kate asks, trading surprised looks with Sonny.

“You could say that. C’mon, let’s go.” The Building Superintendent steps out, yells back into his apartment, apparently to his wife, that he’s going upstairs, and closes the door. He leads the way down the hall to the stairs.

Sonny and Kate exchange another look. “Where are we going?” Kate queries, a bad feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. 

“Your place.”

“Shit.”

The door of Kate’s third-floor apartment is open and fans are blowing out the window, although it’s a cool night. 

“We hadda get rid a’ all the smoke, so I hadda put fans in here, I hope ya’ don’t mind,” the Super explains, leading the way into Kate’s small studio, where a charred, series of bent springs and other unidentifiable debris fills a hole that comprises about half the mattress. 

“What _happened_?” Kate shrieks. Sonny immediately begins looking around the room as though at a crime scene. 

“I dunno. Weirdest thing. The fire alarm never went off. Abe Taylor across the hall smelled smoke, and he came out and saw it was comin’ from under your door. So he ran down to get me, and I ran up here with a fire extinguisher. But here’s the really strange part. The fire was already out before I got in. It looked like somebody put it out, everything’s all soaked.

“What’d the fire department say?” Sonny asks, in full cop mode now.

“Nothin’. We didn’t call ‘em. It was out. I tried to call you, Kate, but you didn’t answer.”

“That’s right! I’m sorry, I got your call, but I was in a briefing, and I actually forgot about it until right now. This is no accident. I’m calling the Fire Department.”

Sonny nods and starts asking questions of the Super as though he’s just naturally fallen back into detective mode. The Super has asked the other people on the third floor, but no one has seen or heard anything, and no one has seen a stranger in the building. 

“They’re on their way. They’re bringing the whole show, I’m afraid. I couldn’t talk them out of it,” Kate says.

Half an hour later, the street is full of fire equipment and flashing lights, surrounded by onlookers who don’t stay long when they see there was no flame. Not even any smoke. Just a burned smell and a lot of people standing around. 

Kate is rattled. She’s unflappable at work, but this is her home, and it feels like an attack. Sonny stays at her side, always touching her in some way – holding her hand or with an arm around her, sometimes just putting a hand on her back. She answers all the questions she can, but she really doesn’t know anything because she wasn’t there. There is one question, however, that both she and Sonny can answer. Neither wants to, but the answer is fairly obvious.

“Do you know of anyone who would want to do something like this to you?” The arson investigator asks, taking notes in a little notebook that Kate notices is covered with smudges that she assumes are ash. 

Kate looks at Sonny, who looks back with an equally troubled expression. 

“I think we do,” Sonny says to Kate.

“We don’t have any proof. We don’t know it’s her,” Kate replies.

“Tell me,” the investigator says. So they do. 

Somewhere during their explanation of what’s been happening with Mary Duderon, one of the inspector’s technicians comes down the front stairs of Kate’s building, a bag filled with what looks like charred sticks in her hand. She holds the bag out to the inspector, who squints at it. 

“Picture frame,” he says.

When he says that, Kate sees unburnt edges of the sticks, suddenly recognizing the sticks as being from the frame around the picture of her and Sonny at Coney Island. She feels sick.

“It’s taking some time to separate out, but it looks like there are two or three more. Looks like there were pictures in frames on the bed while it was burning,” the technician says.

Kate looks at Sonny. They both know there are, or were, a few framed photos of them scattered around Kate’s apartment, including a copy of the picture of them at Maxwell’s hung on a wall. 

“Can I go look? I think they could all be pictures of the two of us,” Kate says, her voice weak. She doesn’t realize how tightly she’s holding Sonny’s hand, and he doesn’t mention it. 

“Why don’t you let me do it?” He asks, wanting to spare her if he can. “I’ve probably been here almost as much as you have. I know what was there.” 

“You can both go up,” the arson inspector says. “I want to know exactly what’s missing.”

Two framed pictures, one of Kate with her family and one of Kate and Ahmad Washington and the rest of her Narcotics squad in Brooklyn, still sit on a windowsill, untouched.

What’s missing is every picture of Sonny and Kate that was displayed in the apartment. All of them have been piled on the bed and set on fire.


	4. Repercussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are not getting better with Sonny Carisi's assistant. She's left creepy in the rear view mirror. But just how obsessed is she? What is she capable of?

It’s late when the inspectors head to Mary Duderon’s apartment to question her about the fire at Kate’s apartment, and Sonny convinces Kate to simply wait until morning to do anything more. He thinks she’s had enough. The arson investigator and the police have sealed her apartment as a crime scene, so they’re standing in front of her building.

“I’m not made out of glass, Sonny,” she says, nonetheless grateful for his arms around her. “I can handle this.”

“I know you can,” he says, his face buried in her soft, fragrant hair. “I’m just tryin’ to protect you. Get used to that. Besides, this is my fault.”

“This is _not_ your fault. This is _Mary’s_ fault. She did this. We both know it.”

“Yeah, I think we do. But it’s about me. Which makes it my fault.”

“Like you can help being so damn hot…”

He doesn’t laugh. “Anyway, we can’t prove it. So we gotta let the fire inspector do his job now. OK?” He looks down at her. “Meanwhile, I guess you need a place to stay. And I know the perfect place.”

Kate’s not sure how she is smiling and responding to Sonny right now, but apparently he’s irresistible in any situation. Besides which, it’s hard to feel threatened when he’s holding her and looking at her like that.

“What are you gonna do tomorrow? About Mary?” She asks as they set out to walk the few blocks to his apartment. Good thing she has clothes there, since all of those at her apartment are going to reek of smoke until she can get them washed or dry cleaned.

“Nothin’ I _can_ do. We gotta wait until the arson investigator finishes the investigation. She’s innocent until proven guilty.”

“Don’t be a lawyer right now, OK? Be my boyfriend. Be pissed with me.”

Sonny stops walking and puts his hands on Kate’s shoulders. “Listen to me, Katie.” His voice is low and full of emotion. “I’m feelin’ a lotta things right now, and believe me, pissed is right at the top of the list. Just because I’m tryin’ to be calm for you, don’t think this is in any way OK with me. It’s not. None of it. You may be a tough cop and all, but I love you, and that means I wanna protect you. I’m gonna do the right thing at work, the legal thing, because I have to. But I’m also gonna leave Mary in no doubt; if she comes for you, she’s gonna deal with me.”

For a split second, Kate wavers between making a flippant remark and being serious, but the look on Sonny’s face makes it clear he’s not kidding. He’s furious, and he’s afraid for Kate, which only adds to his anger. 

So Kate is serious when she responds. “She’s gonna deal with both of us. Tell her to ask the Easton brothers how good an idea that is.”

Sonny gives Kate a satisfied smirk. It’s the right thing to say, given that Sonny shot one of the Easton brothers at the BX9 house the day they met, and Kate shot the other. Both brothers are now doing time in prison. He puts his arm around Kate’s shoulders, and they continue on their way to Sonny’s apartment.

As soon as they get to work, Sonny and Kate both learn that Mary Duderon hasn’t been arrested, because the first thing each of them do is check. But they don’t know any more than that. The arson investigator won’t tell them anything about his questioning of her, or the investigation. 

Sonny is livid. He’s also astounded at Mary’s cool nerves; she comes in to work and behaves as though nothing has happened. The first time she comes in his office, bringing coffee and a doughnut, he’s too stunned to speak. She wishes him a cheerful “Good morning, hon- I mean, Sonny,” and puts some papers on his desk, smiling for all she’s worth. All he can do is gawk at her. He leaves the coffee and doughnut sitting where she left them.

He’s on the arraignment docket this morning, so he decides to just work normally until he gets back to the office. When he does, he goes straight to Chief Hadid’s office. Pacing back and forth, he tells her the whole story.

“Carisi, will you sit? You’re making me nervous.”

“Sorry, Ms. Hadid, it’s just… It was one thing when she was hassling me, but this? She’s threatening my girlfriend. She destroyed her property and caused some pretty significant damage to her apartment. I can’t just stand around.”

“As far as any legal repercussions, that’s exactly what you’re going to do, unless and until she’s arrested. But we may be able to do something about you having to work with her. Are you willing to file a sexual harassment complaint?”

“She didn’t do anything that rises to that level. She’s creepy and clingy. They can’t can her for that.”

“I was thinking more of reassignment.”

“Can’t you reassign her anyway?”

“Yes, if I want her to go to her union and file a grievance.”

“Then reassign me. She can stay right where she is, with Mikhail and Lam, I just get assigned to somebody else.”

“That, I can do.” 

“Then please, do it.”

“All right. It’s done.”

“Can I confront her? Can I tell her to stay the hell away from Kate?”

“Don’t. If you’ll excuse the expression, you’ll just pour gasoline on the fire. Let’s see if a little distance won’t dampen some of your allure.” Vanessa Hadid gives Sonny a slightly sarcastic arch of her eyebrow and picks up her phone. “I’ll talk to Human Resources. You just stay away from Mary Duderon.”

Sonny doesn’t have to wait long for Mary’s reaction to his being assigned to another assistant. Already red-faced and crying, she trudges into his office as though beset by some tragic calamity.

“Why, Sonny? Why?” She wails. “Haven’t I done a good job for you? I’d do anything for you! Just tell me what you want, and I’ll do it!”

Sonny breathes deeply in, out, in again… “I’m sorry, Mary. Your work is fine. I’m just not comfortable working with you.”

“But Sheila will never take care of you the way I do! She doesn’t love you like I do!” It’s a little difficult to understand her moans.

“Mary, that’s inappropriate. I’d like you to leave now, please.”

Sonny can see Maurice Mikhail in the hallway outside his office door, trying to eavesdrop without being seen. He doesn’t approve of Maurice’s motives, but he’s actually grateful for a witness. 

“But, Sonny, I love you!” 

Although her voice is obviously loud enough to be heard in neighboring offices, Sonny decides it would be a mistake to close the door. He knows that being alone with Mary is the last thing he should do. “You don’t, Mary. You don’t even know me. That’s why it’s best if we don’t work together. Thank you for everything, but please… go now.”

“It’s that Kate, isn’t it? She made you do this. You’d never do this to me, you’re my Sonny.”

He was already anxious about this scene and Mary’s deteriorating emotional state, now Sonny’s temper is piqued. He tries to keep his voice neutral and even. “I did do this, Mary. I’m sorry if that hurts your feelings, but it’s done. Please leave my office.”

A flicker of malice crosses Mary’s face, just as it had the other day, and Sonny can see her consciously try to mask it. She stops crying. The syrupy simper in her voice becomes thicker, and the hair on the back of Sonny’s neck begins to prickle. “You’re such a gentleman, Sonny, of course you’d say that. You wouldn’t want me to think badly of her. But you don’t have to pretend with me. I’m sure it was terrible. I know she’s crazy jealous of us, of all the time we spend together. I can only imagine what she must have put you through-“

“Stop! Just stop! There is no us, and I am the one who asked for a different assistant.”

Mary looks taken aback by the bite in Sonny’s voice, and the mask slips a bit more. She no longer seems upset; now she’s all flirtation. “Don’t talk like that, Sonny. We’re what matters. Not _Kate_.” She spits the name as though it is poison.

Through gritted teeth, Sonny snarls his reply. “All right, here’s how it is. _I_ asked not to work with you. Me. And I did it because of what you did to Kate’s apartment. Maybe I can’t prove it, but you and I both know it was you. So let me be very clear here. Kate is none of your business. You don’t talk about Kate. You don’t even _think_ about Kate. And, so help me, if you go near her again, I will personally make it my business to make sure you’re prosecuted for it. Now get. Out. Of. My. Office.”

Mary’s narrowed eyes and curled lip loudly declare her fury, only this time, there is no attempt to disguise it. She says nothing, just turns on her heel and huffs out. 

Sonny is relieved that the scene is over, but he’s also sure he’s just colossally screwed up. Above all, he’s concerned about what Mary might do now. He is a bit relieved to see Maurice peek in, with Scott right behind him. 

“Did you guys hear that?” Sonny asks quietly.

“Kinda hard not to,” Maurice answers, amusement battling concern on his face. 

“Good,” Sonny says. “I may need witnesses.”

“We got you, Carisi,” Scott says. “We heard everything. She’s a wing nut.”

“What did she do to Kate’s apartment?” Maurice asks breathlessly.

“I can’t prove she did anything. So best not to say.”

“Well, tell Kate I’m sorry for whatever it was.”

“Thanks. Guess I better go talk to Ms. Hadid again. That conversation wasn’t exactly in the plan.” Sonny grabs his coat on his way out the door of his office, and goes the long way around to avoid Mary’s desk. 

Maurice and Scott share a look that speaks volumes.

“Fuckin’ Dude Ranch, man.” Maurice mutters. “I’d say she’s a few fries short of a Happy Meal.”

“I’m with ya’ there,” Scott agrees quietly.

Kate is participating in a raid that night, but Sonny is able to call her and tell her what happened with Mary. Kate no longer tries to make excuses for Mary; her sympathy is entirely with Sonny. Partly it’s because of what Mary did to her apartment, but the larger part is loyalty to Sonny. He’s upset about the whole thing; the way it makes him look to his colleagues, the disruption to his work life, but most of all, he’s concerned about what Mary might do. He can’t stop replaying that last look she gave him.

“Please be careful, Baby, will ya’? If she’ll set your bed on fire, and all our pictures, who knows what else she might do?”

“C’mon. I can take her blindfolded with two broken arms. And I have a gun.” Kate’s trying to cheer Sonny up, but she also has no fear of Mary Duderon. 

“I need you to promise me,” Sonny says without amusement.

“I’ll be careful. I promise.”

“Thank you. And tell Hensler what’s goin’ on. I want him watching out for you, too.”

“I already did. And I’ll tell him what happened today.”

“All right. Take care tonight, yeah?”

“I will.”

“I love you. Can’t wait to see you.”

“I love you, too. I’ll try not to wake you up, but I’ll give you a kiss when I come home.”

“Hey, speaking of home…”

“Yeah?”

“Nevermind. We’ll talk about it when I see you.”

“OK. Love you.”

“Love you.”

Sonny awakens the next morning, having slept poorly. He immediately sees that Kate isn’t home yet. That’s not particularly unusual; it’s actually a good sign. If the raid resulted in a lot of arrests, it will take a long time to process them all and write reports. One of the things Sonny does not miss about being a detective is all the paperwork. 

He calls her and gets her voicemail. He leaves a mushy message and asks her to call when she can, then texts her a selfie with a goofy sad face and a message about how much he misses her. For good measure, he follows that up with a mushy text with a lot of heart emojis. He laughs at his own sappiness, but he doesn’t care. He knows Kate loves that stuff. Besides, it’s how he feels.

She calls him mid-morning, sounding tired but satisfied. He’d been right, they had made a number of arrests. She’s about to take a nap in the crib at her station house, but she tells him she wants to hear his voice before she does.

“And you didn’t get hurt or anything?” He asks, when she finishes telling him about the raid.

“I got a bit of a shiner,” she says, laughing. “But otherwise I’m fine.”

“You hit him back?” Sonny asks, slightly amused, but not much. 

“Didn’t bother. My grandma hits harder. I just took him to the ground and cuffed him.”

It makes Sonny feel better just hearing her sound strong and confident. She’s probably right; they really don’t need to worry that Mary could actually hurt Kate. 

“Hey,” Kate asks, “What did you mean about home when we were talking last night? Are you getting tired of me bunking with you? ‘Cuz the Super says he thinks now that the mattress is out of the apartment, the smell is practically gone. I just need to wash all my clothes-“

“No. I am not tired of you bunking with me. Just the opposite. I kinda love it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. In fact, I love it so much, if I’da known how great it was gonna be, I mighta lit your apartment on fire myself.”

Kate laughs out loud. “I probably shouldn’t be laughing at that. It’s probably not funny. I think I need a nap.”

“Wish I could take one with you. G’night. I love you.”

“I love you.”

He thinks he sees movement in the hall. He doesn’t see anyone out there, and no one comes in, but he’s sure someone was there. Immediately his mind goes to Mary, eavesdropping on his call. He sighs. This is really intolerable. But at least she didn’t come in. 

Because she worked all night, Sonny expects Kate will get home at a reasonable hour that night, so he decides to bring work home and make her dinner. He knows he’ll have to do some work later, but he wants to spend time with Kate. He’s looking forward to a romantic candlelight dinner with some wine, then taking her to bed. When she falls asleep, he can get back up and finish working. 

It’s time. He knows it hasn’t been six months yet, but he doesn’t need six months, and he doesn’t think Kate does, either. He’s going to ask her to move in permanently. Why not take advantage of the fire to get out of her lease? He wants to live with Kate. Having separate apartments has always been a little silly, but now… Having her come here after work, having her things around all the time, not having to make plans to see eachother because this is home to both of them, just feels like the way it’s supposed to be. It’s definitely the way Sonny wants it to be.

He puts together a killer lasagna and starts it baking. It’s a good choice because, if she gets home before it’s done, he’ll just take her to bed until it’s ready. If it’s ready, he can keep it warm until she arrives, and then take her to bed. The table is set, with candles and some flowers he bought on his way home. He feels like he’s got dinner in hand, and he feels a little thrill in his stomach waiting for Kate. He smiles to himself. He’s not sure exactly what it is about Kate – there are a million things he likes about her – but whatever it is, he’s in love, and nothing’s getting between them this time.

Sonny figures he might as well do some work while the lasagna is baking and Kate’s not home yet. It doesn’t take long before he’s immersed in what he’s doing, and the timer surprises him when it goes off. Which means it’s almost seven. He decides to call Kate, just to see when she’ll be home, but gets her voicemail. Good. That means she’s on her way. He leaves a goofy message, turns the oven down to keep the lasagna warm, and goes back to work.

He’s surprised to finish the work he’s brought home, and even more surprised that it’s eight thirty now. Huh. She said she expected to be home early. He calls again. Voicemail again, but he doesn’t leave a message this time. Instead, he calls her desk phone. Maybe she’s doing paperwork. Nope, he gets voicemail again. She doesn’t have a landline at her studio, and he can’t imagine why she’d still be there, even if she had stopped by. Or why she wouldn’t be answering her cell if she was there.

At nine, he calls her numbers again, with the same results, so he decides to try her partner.

“Hey, Hensler, it’s Sonny Carisi. I’m tryin’ to reach Kate, but she’s not answering. Is she with you?”

There’s a slight hesitation. “Nah, bro, I thought she’d be with you by now. I dropped her off at her place hours ago. She said she wanted to pick up some stuff and then head to your place.”

Sonny feels a painful surge of adrenaline through his entire torso. “What time?”

“Musta been about six. Dropped her right at the door, like I always do. She said she was going right up. She hasn’t come home?”

“No.”

“She ever do that? Just kinda disappear for a while?”

“No. I don’t like this. You know my assistant kinda has a thing about her, and…”

“Yeah, I heard about the fire. But the way Kate described her, I got the feeling she’s no match for Kate, even if she did try something.”

“I wouldn’t think so, but this is really not like Kate. I’m goin’ over to her place.”

“Do that. And then call me and let me know everything’s OK.”

“Will do. Thanks.”

Sonny’s already down in the street looking to hail a cab before he hangs up with Tom Hensler. 

At Kate’s, he runs up the stairs two at a time. The door to her apartment is closed, so he pulls out his key to unlock it, but it isn’t locked. There are no lights on and, when he turns them on, he sees the little backpack Kate uses instead of a purse, with her keys and her cell phone in it, lying on the floor.

He calls Tom Hensler, already imagining the worst.


	5. The Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The woman Sonny Carisi loves is missing, and he knows who is responsible. His former assistant, who is obsessed with Sonny, has done something to her. But what? And where is she? Sonny rushes to find her.

“Where the _fuck_ is Kate, you freakin’ lunatic?” Sonny screams into Mary’s face.

Olivia Benson rolls her eyes and stands, pulling Sonny by the arm from the interrogation room. “Yeah, so much for that,” she says as she pulls the door closed behind them.

Sonny paces in front of the one-way glass, gesturing at his former assistant, sitting quietly crying at the table in the room. “Look, I’m sorry, Liv, but she has Kate! We don’t know where she is, we don’t know what she’s done to her… she could by dying right now. I know she knows where Kate is, and so do you.”

“Yes, Carisi, I believe you, and we will get her to talk. But having you here isn’t helping. You’ve tried sweet-talking her, that didn’t work. And you just saw how well losing your mind went.”

The pacing is getting to Olivia. She wishes Sonny had been able to get Mary Duderon to talk, but he hadn’t, which means that at least she doesn’t have to watch him pace the interrogation room any more.

“Look, I don’t know what to tell you. I’d be as upset as you are right now. But I can’t let you back in there. You asked us to take this case, now you need to let us handle it. You want to help Kate, that’s what you need to do.”

Sonny looks at her for a few beats, knowing she’s right, but wanting to beat the information out of Mary. Kate has been missing since last night, almost eighteen hours now, and Sonny is frantic. All his fear and anger is focused on the mousy, chubby woman sitting looking around the box, dabbing her eyes occasionally and looking for all the world like the least likely kidnapper ever. But Sonny knows different. She hasn’t shown her crazy to the SVU detectives yet, but she will. 

At that moment, Scott Lam comes around the corner with a folded paper in his hand. 

“Thank God,” Sonny says, snatching the search warrant from him. “I’m takin’ Fin and Amanda.”

“You can take Fin. But I need Rollins for this interrogation,” Olivia says, waving him toward the squad room. 

*********

Sonny isn’t surprised to see that Mary’s apartment is sparkling clean and perfectly organized. He is surprised to see a large, framed copy of his ID photo from the DA’s office. The presence of the picture itself is creepy enough, but its prominent placement in her living room is also troubling.

“Just be glad it ain’t next to her bed,” Fin says, laying a comforting hand on Sonny’s shoulder.

He doesn’t really expect Kate to be held in Mary’s apartment; somehow that seems too easy. But he still tears through the small flat calling Kate’s name until it’s clear she isn’t there. Kate’s partner, Tom Hensler, meets them at the apartment and, after a quick introduction to Fin, goes in search of the Building Manager or Superintendent, or whoever might be able to give him access to any other places in the building that Mary might possibly be holding Kate. After that, he’ll begin to knock on the neighbors’ doors, hoping to learn something helpful. 

Sonny and Fin turn up several disturbing things during their search of Mary’s apartment. One is the picture of Sonny and Kate at Forlini’s, or what’s left of it. Mary has burned Kate out of the picture. 

Sonny and Fin share a look of horror at that, after which Fin says quietly, “Let’s just keep on lookin’. We don’t know anything yet.”

In Mary’s bedroom, they find a sort of macabre shrine where she has photos from the press conference following the trial, as well as pictures from the party afterward at Maxwell’s that she appears to have downloaded from social media sites. They are candid photos taken by various people, which Sonny recognizes because he’s in all of them. He can remember posing for most of them, although there are a few where he’d simply been caught in a shot. Many have been blown up to a large size, and most other people cut out so that only Sonny remains, then framed. Sonny feels icy chills creep up his spine looking at them. 

There is one picture, larger than the rest, among the framed photos. Sonny remembers posing for this one, as well. It’s of him and Mary at the Maxwell’s after-trial party. The picture is a simple posed shot of some of the people they work with, in which Sonny is standing behind Mary. She’s cut everyone else from the picture and blown it up so that it looks as though it’s a photo of just the two of them. 

As it turns out, there is a picture of Sonny next to the bed. Several, in fact. These are the most disturbing of all. They’re pictures Sonny recognizes, which Kate must have posted on social media, because they’re all pictures of Sonny and Kate. But Kate has been removed from the photos. Mary has very skillfully used Photoshop or some other program to substitute herself in each of the pictures. It’s all Sonny can do not to smash them to pieces.

Besides the pictures, they find a shirt Sonny discarded at work after a cartridge of printer ink exploded on it, and a number of napkins he apparently used at one time or another. He can feel his stomach churn at the evidence of Mary’s obsession with him. 

What they don’t find is anything obvious that will lead them to wherever Kate is. 

After a careful search, they find that Kate is nowhere in the building where Mary lives. They haven’t found any receipts or other evidence that Mary rents a storage unit or some other place she could be holding Kate. And none of the neighbors have seen or heard anything to indicate Mary’s had any visitors – ever. Certainly not one who was there against her will. 

Sonny is beside himself. Not only have they proven that Mary is dangerously obsessed with him, but they’ve found nothing to indicate that she is holding Kate somewhere. Which leaves one horrible possibility. 

***************

Amanda Rollins needs to proceed very, very carefully. She wonders why Mary Duderon hasn’t lawyered up – she works for ADAs, she has to know better – but she has a suspicion that, in Mary’s twisted mind, being here will result in more attention from Sonny. 

“This is where Sonny worked before the DA’s office, did you know that?”

Mary sniffles. “Yeah, I knew that.”

“I was his partner for more than five years. I know him pretty well.”

Mary just looks at her, saying nothing but betraying just the slightest bit of… something. Amanda hopes she knows what it is.

“He ate dinner at my house more than at his own. Practically helped me raise my daughters.”

“When is Sonny coming back?” Mary asks.

Amanda continues as though she hasn’t spoken. “Of course, it all changed when he went to the DA’s office. He still came over sometimes, but I hardly get to work with him anymore. And then when Kate came along, no more dinners. Do you know Kate?”

“I’ve met her.” 

“He’s crazy about Kate.”

Nothing.

“Sonny, he always had a thing for her. They were together in Brooklyn, you know, before he came to Manhattan.”

“Whatever.”

“Yeah, and he always used to talk about her. He would tell me how much he missed her, how great things were between them, that kind of thing. It was so cute, how it was just always Kate, Kate, Kate.”

“That’s ridiculous. She wasn’t even his girlfriend then. She let him go.” 

Amanda definitely has Mary’s attention now, if the malevolence in her comments is any indication. 

“Maybe. But the minute they saw each other again, they were back together. I think they’re soulmates.”

Mary doesn’t like that assertion at all. But she says nothing more.

*************

Tom Hensler is having no luck checking Mary Duderon’s social media accounts, because she _has_ none. That seems right, if she’s as insular as she appears, but they also haven’t seen anything around her apartment that indicates any hobbies, other than her cats. And how much time can you spend hanging out with cats? She doesn’t appear to be a reader, she doesn’t have a collection of movies, there are no crafts in her apartment, and as far as he can tell, she has no friends. Can she really spend all her time watching TV? Or surfing the internet but making no connections? 

He hopes TARU will hurry up with the forensics on her computer. He had personally brought it to them, making sure to let them know that the vic was a missing cop. A couple of techs there know her, and said they’d do their best. Although they’ve only been partners for a few months, he and Kinsella are starting to form a solid partnership. He likes Carisi, too, and he can see the guy’s a wreck. He imagines what he’d be like if it was his wife, Kelly, who was missing, and actually has to admire Carisi for remaining as controlled as he is. 

************

Sonny returns to SVU, simply because it feels right to be investigating Kate’s disappearance from there. So far, with the apartment yielding nothing but shudders of disgust, the only possible leads are Mary’s computer, and Mary herself. But even if she has no friends, she has to have family, right? That’s something to check out. He gets on the phone with the DA’s office, demanding Mary’s personnel file, and hoping they wouldn’t make him bother to get a warrant. He’ll get it if he has to, but it would take time. And all he really wants to know is Mary’s emergency contact. 

While he badgers the HR Director on the phone, he works the computer. It feels oddly comfortable to be back in detective mode, sitting at his old desk. He may be a new lawyer, but this, he knows how to do. 

“Hey, Carisi,” Fin calls over from his desk when Sonny hangs up the phone. “This is interesting. Your friend’s got a record.”

“Seriously?” Sonny gets up and goes over to Fin’s desk. 

“Yeah. You ready for this? Three different guys have taken out restraining orders against her, and she’s got a conviction for Second Degree Stalking.”

“Second degree? That’s not easy to get. That’s stalking behavior plus the victim has a reasonable fear of harm _and_ either a weapon is involved it’s a repeat conviction within 5 years. What’d she do?”

The crimes of which Mary has been convicted look very much like her behavior toward Sonny and Kate. This is something they can work with. It’s also encouraging, in that she has frightened people, and destroyed some property, but she’s never actually hurt anyone. She’s pled to stalking, so some of the property crime charges were dropped, but she’s been violent before, at least towards her victims’ homes and cars.

“We need to talk to these vics. See if they know anything that can help.”

“What I wanna know is, how’d she get a job in the DA’s office with a Class E felony on her record?” 

“Let’s worry about that when we have Kate back, huh? You try to find the family, I’ll see if I can track down these vics.”

Sonny tries to focus on his work. He ignores the part of his mind that wants to scream with terror and frustration, focusing all his attention on the immediate task at hand. He’ll have plenty of time to freak out later, and it will do no good to imagine nightmare scenarios of where she might be. Right now, he has to find the woman he loves. He closes his eyes briefly in prayer, thinking that he’s been praying so much God might return Kate just to shut him up about her, and picks up the phone.

Within an hour, Sonny and Fin have a list of people to go see. 

************

Amanda sits looking at Mary, who fumbles almost continuously with the edges of her oversized pink sweatshirt, the seams of her jeans, or her hair. Amanda hopes it’s more than just nervousness about being questioned. 

“So, Mary, why don’t you tell me about you and ADA Carisi?”

Mary looks at Amanda, eyes wary. “I was his assistant.”

“Yeah, I know. What was that like?”

“I don’t know. It was OK.”

“What’s he like to work with? As an assistant, I mean. Was he nice to you?”

“He was OK.”

“Really, Mary? Just OK? Not good? Not bad?”

“Good, I guess.”

“Me, I liked working with him. We talked to people right here in this room, in fact. Right here at this table. All the time.”

Mary seems not to react, but after a few moments of silence, Amanda notices her put her hand flat on the table and move her fingertips ever so slightly, as if stroking the table Sonny touched. 

“When is he coming back? I really want to see Sonny.” 

“I don’t know, Mary. He’s out trying to find Kate. He’ll probably keep going until he finds her.”

Mary looks straight at Amanda for the first time all day. Amanda smiles a little wistfully at her. “I wish somebody loved me like that, y’know?”

“He doesn’t love her.”

“Of course he does. You must’ve seen it. Heard it in his voice.”

Mary shrugs, but there’s a definite change in her posture. She stiffens a bit and lifts her chin. 

“But now she left. Now he’s with me.” Mary quickly adds, “At the DA’s office, I mean. We work together.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“I do everything for him. He depends on me.” An element of defensiveness, possessiveness colors Mary’s speech. 

“I’m sure he does, hon. But it’s not the same.”

“She left. Now he’s mine.” 

Amanda injects a sympathetic note into her voice. “I don’t think so, Mary. He’s Kate’s.”

“Kate.” 

Amanda allows herself to react to the acid tone with which Mary hisses the name, but only a bit. “You don’t like Kate?”

“Don’t know her.”

“C’mon. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you don’t like her. I don’t.”

“You don’t?” Mary sounds genuinely surprised.

“I don’t think she’s right for him.”

“She’s not.”

“Right. But I guess it doesn’t make any difference, since he’s in love with her.”

“No, he isn’t,” Mary snaps.

“I suppose he talks about Kate all the time, though, doesn’t he?”

“Not that much. He doesn’t care about her. Not really.”

“No?” 

“No. He’ll get over her now that she’s gone.”

This is the delicate moment Amanda’s been working toward. “You think so?”

The superior look Mary gives her isn’t what bothers her. It’s the malice. “Of course he will. He has me now.”

“Are you…” Amanda hopes she gets the inflection right. It’s crucial.

“Sonny and I love each other.”

“You do?” Amanda acts surprised, but also as though she believes her.

“Well, we can’t talk about it yet. First we had to stop working together. That’s why he got reassigned, you know.”

“Oh. So now that he’s reassigned, you can go public?” 

“He’ll have to pretend to be sad about Kate for a while, of course…”

“Sad?”

“Yeah. You know. Because she’s gone.”

“You said that before. What makes you think she’s gone?”

“I know she is. That’s why I’m here, isn’t it? Because she left him?”

“Sonny doesn’t think she left him. He’s afraid something happened to her, Mary.”

“Nothing happened to her. She just left him. I know he’ll be sad for a while, or he’ll pretend to be. But I’m here to comfort him.”

“He seems kind of mad at you.”

“I know, but he isn’t. He’s just upset because Kate left him. We’ll be fine.”

“How do you know Kate left him? Maybe she’s just, I don’t know, visiting a friend or something.”

“She isn’t.”

“How do you know?” 

“I just… know.”

“But, Mary, _how_ do you know?”

“I just know.”

Amanda Rollins isn’t giving up.

**************

“That bitch is cray-cray.”

The man standing in the doorway of his house is clearly disgusted by the whole topic of Mary Duderon, and annoyed that he has to talk about this yet again. 

“We’ve read the police reports, and your statement to the court in support of your request for a restraining order. So we know what she did. What we’re wondering is whether there’s anything else you can tell us,” Sonny says. 

“Like what?”

“A woman is missing. We think Mary Duderon had something to do with her disappearance,” Fin explains. “Can you think of anywhere Mary might go, anyplace she might have access to?”

“Look, I haven’t seen her in years, and I don’t want to. I barely knew her! She just… latched onto me and when I told her to get lost, she got mad and trashed my car. That was it. She got fired, and I moved so she couldn’t find me. End of story.”

“OK, well anything you can think of could help,” Sonny says, handing the man his card. “Give it some thought. Call us if you think of anything. Please. A woman is in danger.”

The next person Sonny and Fin go to see is a man who employed Mary for about six months. During that time, he had a drunken one-night stand with her, which he barely remembers, except that he thinks it was she who came on to him. After that, however, she made his life a living hell. She told him she was pregnant. When he demanded proof, and proof of paternity, she went off the rails. Although the man’s wife had thrown him out of their house, Mary went there and harassed his wife and sons, shrieking tearful demands. She called and texted his cell phone at all hours of the day and night, and eventually took a baseball bat to the windows of his business. When he fired her and reported her activities to the police, she’d tried to set his car on fire, but didn’t know what she was doing and had done no real damage.

The man doesn’t want to talk to them. He’s back with his wife, and really just wants to forget the whole thing. He claims not to know anything about her, and is no help.

“Listen,” he says. “Whoever this woman is, I feel sorry for her. ‘Cause Mary Duderon is a psycho, and the more she hears ‘no’, the crazier she gets. I wouldn’t put anything past her.”

That information does nothing for Sonny’s nerves. 

***********

Tom Hensler gets a call from TARU. They’ve found some searches on Mary’s computer and want him to take a look. He calls Sonny.

“Hey, Carisi, I got a call from TARU. They’re in Mary’s computer. They called me, but you know her, I don’t. You wanna meet me down there? Take a look?”

Sonny looks at Fin, who is driving them toward the boarding house where Mary’s mother lives. “Where are you now?”

“Station house.”

“Look, we’re way uptown, so you go ahead. Take a look and then call me. We’ll see if there’s anything there.”

“Will do. You holdin’ up?”

“I’m tired and I’m pissed. Not payin’ any attention to anything else right now. You?”

“That bitch disappeared my partner. I’m thinkin’ if there’s nothin’ but cat videos on her computer, I’m goin’ down to SVU and we’re gonna have a talk. Off the record.”

“Yeah, I heard that, but you don’t know Captain Benson. She’s not likely to cooperate.” 

“Then this damn computer better give me somethin’.”

“Amen to that.”

**************

“So, Mary,” Amanda begins, handing her a cup of coffee. “Where do you think Kate went?”

“How should I know?”

“Well, I mean, if you had to guess. Where would someone like Kate go, if they left Sonny?”

“I really don’t know. I don’t care, either.”

So much for that tactic.

“You know what I think?” Amanda asks. “I think she’s coming back.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because you’d have to be crazy to leave a man like Sonny. Right?”

“I would never leave him.”

“Exactly. That’s why I think she’s coming back. When Sonny gets back here, I’m going to tell him that. So he doesn’t give up hope.”

“No. She’s not coming back. He should just forget about her. He’s mine now.”

“You don’t know that, Mary. And Sonny, he’s so handsome, and so nice, it’s like you said. You’d never leave him. So Kate didn’t, either. I’m going to tell him that.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because she’s not coming back. She’s such a…”

“A what?”

“Nothing.”

“C’mon, Mary. I told you how I feel. Tell me.”

“Her apartment burned. And she made Sonny let her live with him after that. She’s a whore.”

Amanda tries to look fascinated but says nothing, hoping that Mary will take the invitation. But she doesn’t go on. Amanda tries again.

“Kate’s apartment burned?”

“Not bad. Nobody got hurt or anything. But she stayed at Sonny’s after that. She wasn’t supposed to do that. But he was just too nice to say no.”

“Maybe he wanted her there.”

“No, he didn’t! Anyway, she’s gone now, she… left him. And she’s not coming back.”

“I think she is.”

“She’s not.”

“Tell me why.”

“Because she’s not. She’s gone. And Sonny is mine now.”

“I don’t think so. I think she’s coming back, and when I tell him that, he’ll wait for her.”

“You don’t know anything.”

Finally, Mary is beginning to forget to hide her anger. 

“Neither do you.”

“Yes, I do.”

“What do you know? Why shouldn’t Sonny wait for Kate to come back?”

“Because she can’t.”

The most delicate moment of all.

“Why can’t she, Mary?”

But Mary has realized what she said. “Because… Because he’s mine now. That’s all I meant.”

*************

Mary’s mother lives in an old-fashioned boarding house, where she rents a room and meals are served communally by the landlady. It’s a surprisingly nice place. It’s clean and comfortable and, although Mary’s mother is in her eighties, she looks healthy, if a little frail. But she’s not happy to see that the police have come to ask her about Mary again. She’s especially not happy that one of them is Mr. Carisi, the man Mary has been so focused on recently.

Eleanor Duderon knows that her daughter gets a little… overly attached sometimes. Mary’s always been reserved in public, but there’s a lot more going on under the surface than people think. And she has been known to overreact when the real world doesn’t cooperate with the complex, detailed worlds she builds in her head. 

“Mrs. Duderon,” Sonny begins, “We need to ask you some questions about your daughter, Mary.”

“All right. Is she in any trouble?” Her voice is scratchy, but strong.

“A woman is missing, and we think Mary may have something to do with her disappearance.”

“Oh, I don’t… Mary’s not the kind of girl who would ever hurt anyone. She’s gotten a little carried away in the past, I know, but she just has deep feelings.”

“Ma’am,” Fin tries, “This woman is a police officer. If your daughter’s done something to her, she’s in a lot of trouble. You understand that?”

“But she doesn’t usually hurt anyone.”

Sonny and Fin both clearly hear the “usually”. 

“But she has hurt someone in the past?” Sonny asks, leaning far forward, his forearms on his thighs, peering intently into Eleanor Duderon’s troubled face.

“I can’t really talk about that.”

“Mrs. Duderon, I work with Mary. She was my assistant, did you know that?”

“Yes, I know. She’s mentioned you. I’m afraid she’s developed a bit of a crush on you, Mr. Carisi.”

“Ma’am, it’s more than a crush. I think you know that ‘deep feelings’ is an understatement for what Mary can be like. Don’t you?”

“Well, I suppose you know she has been in trouble before, when things didn’t work out for her and a man she likes.”

Sonny turns the charm up as far as he can, given his exhaustion and frayed nerves. “So, here’s the thing, Ma’am. The woman who’s missing? She’s my girlfriend. And your daughter, she set her bed on fire, along with all the pictures she had of the two of us together.”

“Oh, no…”

“Things at work have become strained, and Mary’s not happy about it. She blames Kate. She has this idea that the only thing standing between her and me is Kate.”

“Oh, so that’s who Kate is.”

“She’s talked about her?” Sonny and Fin exchange looks.

Mrs. Duderon’s face takes on a hint of confusion, tinged with what Sonny thinks might be fear. “She doesn’t like her, this Kate. But she told me that Kate was gone. That she’d left you, and now the two of you would be, I don’t know, dating or something.”

“When did she tell you this?” Fin asks, on alert.

“Three days ago.”

Kate has only been missing for one day.

Fin is standing now. “Did she say where Kate went?”

“No, only that she was gone, and she wouldn’t be back.”


	6. In A Dark Tunnel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny Carisi does everything he can to find his girlfriend, who has been abducted, before it's too late. Or is it too late already?

TARU has a list of Mary’s computer searches. It immediately becomes clear to Tom Hensler that the searches are the key to what’s happened to Kate, and to finding her. The problem is, there are hundreds of them. 

Mary has searched drugs, abduction methods, abandoned places in and around New York City, methods of incapacitation, and methods of keeping a person unconscious for long periods of time. While finding the searches is fairly simple, with this amount of material to go through, what Hensler needs to know is the amount of time Mary spent on each site she visited. That has proven to be more difficult, but TARU’s working on it. 

Mary has spent much more time on abandoned locations than anything else, and seems to have researched several of them fairly thoroughly. She’s also spent a great deal of time on methods of incapacitation. It looks like she may have visited some of the abandoned locations she’s researched, because she’s looked up driving directions to at least eight of them. 

Hensler calls Carisi. He’s not looking forward to this conversation. 

**************

“Mrs. Duderon, we think Mary might have done something to Kate, taken her somewhere. Can you think of anywhere she might go? Anywhere she might have mentioned?” Sonny has to keep himself from grabbing Mary’s mother and shaking the information out of her. The longer Kate has been missing, the more fearful he has become.

“Well, of course, she never said anything to me about kidnapping anyone! You can’t think I’d go along with something like that.”

“No one’s saying that, Ma’am, we’re just trying to find this missing woman.” Fin assures her. “Have you always lived in Manhattan? Is there any other part of the city Mary’s familiar with?”

“Oh, no, we never lived in Manhattan when my husband was alive. We lived in the Bronx, near his work. He was a foreman at the Carnation Brick Plant, you know, before it closed down.”

“Uh-huh,” Fin says. “Can you show us on a map where you lived? The areas Mary would be familiar with?”

She does, although she’s nowhere near what either of them would call precise. As she’s looking at the map, however, she points to a street, Tully Avenue, and muses, “She did mention something…”

“What? What did she mention?” 

Mrs. Duderon starts a bit at Sonny’s intensity.

“Well, it was nothing. She just said something about how much Tully Avenue has changed. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but now that I do, it did kind of sound as though she might have been there recently.”

Sonny’s phone vibrates and he looks at the screen. Tom Hensler. 

“Fin, I need to take this,” he says, excusing himself and stepping out the front door to stand on the stoop of the boarding house.

Hensler tells him what TARU has found, and that they’re working to narrow the searches to those upon which Mary spent the most time. 

“That kinda sounds like she’s keepin’ her somewhere. Like she’s alive,” Sonny says, his voice tight. What the hell had that sick bitch done to Kate? What kind of hellhole was she in, and in what condition?

“It does to me, too. I got a list of the abandoned places she got directions to.”

Sonny has a thought. “Any of them the Carnation Brick Plant?”

After a rustle of paper, Hensler responds. “Nope. No directions. But she did search it.”

“Have TARU focus on that. They lived in the Bronx and her dad used to work there, but her mom says it’s closed down. See if it might be abandoned. She might not have gotten directions because she already knows how to get there.”

“Copy. I’ll get back to you.”

They spend another half hour with Eleanor Duderon, but she can tell them nothing further.

It’s becoming harder and harder for Sonny not to think about what might be happening to Kate right now. And on the heels of those dark thoughts come the monstrous possibilities, including the worst possibility of all. Sonny doesn’t know how he will survive losing Kate, this time forever. He chokes down a sob as he and Fin rush to their car. 

**********

“Tell me about you and Sonny,” Amanda says to Mary. 

“Sonny is wonderful. I love him.”

“Yeah, I know, but I’m interested in the two of you together. How does he feel about you?”

Mary smiles and her eyes get a faraway look. “He loves me.”

“Then what’s he doing with Kate?”

“She left him.”

“What happens when she comes back?”

“She won’t.”

“OK, so let’s assume you’re right. What happens then? Are you and Sonny going to date? Move in together? Get married?”

“We’re getting married. He’s going to buy us a little house. It won’t be much, but we don’t need much.”

The creep factor ratchets up as Mary begins to lose herself in her fantasies.

“OK, so let’s say all of that happens. You and Sonny get married, you’re living in your little house, and then Kate shows up. What happens then?”

Mary begins to frown, then scowl, as she considers the stink bomb Amanda’s just thrown into her fantasy world. “Well, she won’t. She… won’t.”

“And if she does?”

“I don’t want to talk about Kate.”

“I _do_ want to talk about Kate, Mary. That’s why you’re here. Tell me why Kate won’t show up. She’s very resourceful, you know. She’s a cop, like Sonny was. She’s smart.”

“I don’t care.”

“Is the reason you don’t care because she dead, Mary?”

The blunt question pulls Mary out of the last of her dreams and she focuses harshly on Amanda Rollins. 

“I didn’t kill her.”

“I think you did. I think that’s why you’re so sure she’s not coming back. Which means you’ll go to prison and you’ll never be with Sonny. He’ll hate you.”

“He will not! He loves me! I didn’t kill her! It’s not my fault what happens to her…” 

Again, Mary catches herself. 

“What’s that mean, Mary? It’s not your fault what happens to her. What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing. I don’t have anything to do with that Kate. I hate her. I don’t want to talk about her.”

“Because you killed her.”

“No, I did not!”

“Yes, you did. And Sonny is going to hate you for it. You’ll never be with him. Your whole idea of getting married, and a little house? It’s going to be you, all alone in prison, and you’ll never see him again. He’ll be living with his beloved memories of Kate, and if he ever thinks of you, it’ll be with disgust. Because you killed the woman he loves.”

“Stop saying that! I didn’t kill her! She left him! She’s not dead, she’s just gone!”

“Gone where, Mary?”

But Mary begins to cry again and won’t say anything more.

***********

The last of the three men with restraining orders against Mary Duderon lives in the South Bronx. He’s different from the others. He’s quiet, a little sad – a reed-thin white man in his forties with little hair left on the top of his head who looks and acts much older than his age. He’s not happy to be talking about his experience with Mary, but he’s willing to try to help. His marriage was ruined by Mary’s obsession with him, and he appears not to have recovered.

“My wife, she didn’t believe that this woman could be so convinced she was in love with me if I didn’t give her any reason to. She never trusted me after that. She left me right after I got the restraining order, so I just let it lapse. I didn’t care what happened to me after that. And I didn’t think Mary would hurt me.”

There’s something… 

“Mr. Trent, did you ever see Mary after that? After you got the restraining order and your wife left?” 

Sonny looks at Fin. He’s not sure what Fin is getting at, but it’s clear from Arthur Trent’s reaction that, whatever Fin’s hunch is, it’s a good one.

“I don’t know what… Well, I…” Arthur Trent runs his hand through the sparse hair on the side of his head and looks at the formica table at which they sit in his shabby little flat. 

“It’s OK, Mr. Trent. This woman, she’s a predator. Like we said, we think she may have something to do with the disappearance of a cop. So if you know something about that, now’s the time to tell us.”

“Please, Mr. Trent,” Sonny adds. “If you have any information that could help us find her…” 

Sonny’s bloodshot eyes and the emotion in his voice register with Arthur Trent, and he decides to come clean.

“OK, I did see her a couple times after that. She hung around here, I’d see her watching my apartment. I was so upset about my wife leaving, the idea of this crazy lady watching me just seemed like it didn’t really matter anymore. But I was mad. I was really mad at her for breaking up my marriage. That’s why…”

“That’s why…” Fin prompts.

“OK, OK, fine. One night, I come home from work and she’s in my apartment. Not this one, I moved here so she couldn’t find me. An apartment about ten blocks from here. She had one of those things, whaddaya call ‘em, they shoot you full of electricity? You cops use ‘em.”

“A taser?” Sonny offers.

“Yeah, one of those. I was so surprised, she just jumped out at me, and then I was so mad she was in my house… I didn’t really think. I just reacted. I didn’t mean to hurt her, I just wanted to get away from her.”

“It’s OK, Mr. Trent,” Fin soothes. “You’re allowed to defend yourself, especially in your own home. So she’s in your apartment, she has a taser, what happens next?”

“I hit her. I just reacted, I swear! I lashed out and I hit her, and I pushed her out the door and I locked it and she ran away. I haven’t seen her since. For a long time, I watched out for her. I didn’t know what she would do. But she never came back.”

“OK. Did you report this to the police?” Sonny is sickened. A taser?

“Of course not! I thought… I mean, I hit her. I thought I’d be in trouble.”

“OK, Mr. Trent,” Fin says, putting a hand on his shoulder. “That’s all right. Anything else you can remember? Anything else you can tell us about what happened?”

“Well, there was one thing. I think it scared me more than the taser. She had a wheelchair. Not, like, a normal wheelchair. It was one of those skinny ones, like firefighters use to carry people down the stairs? One of those. It was parked right outside my door. She grabbed it and ran away when I locked her out.”

Sonny almost can’t think now. He sits, trying to digest the possibility that Mary used this same method to abduct Kate. There are a lot of reasons that isn’t likely – Kate wouldn’t be any easier to subdue than Mr. Trent had been – but abduction is a whole lot better scenario than that Mary has simply murdered Kate and hidden her body. Sonny turns this new information around and around in his head, fitting it in with the other information they have, scant as it is.

Some pieces start to click together.

************

“Well, you know what, Mary, I was Sonny’s partner for over five years. I care about him. So you can cry all you want, but even if Sonny did love you, I wouldn’t let you near him. He’s gonna know you killed Kate, because I’m gonna tell him. He’ll listen to me –“

“Noooooooooo!” Mary’s wild animal cry is accompanied by slamming her hands down on the table. The mask she’d worn is now completely fallen from her, and she’s wild-eyed and fierce, baring her teeth as she shouts, “You can’t do that! Sonny loves me! I didn’t kill stupid Kate! If she dies, it’s not my fault. I just got her out of the way! I didn’t kill her!”

Amanda is out of her chair now, leaning over Mary. “What did you do, Mary? Prove to me you didn’t kill her. Tell me where she is.”

“No! She’s gone and that’s all that matters. I didn’t kill her. Sonny is going to marry me, and we’re getting a little house, and-“

“Not when I tell him you killed his girlfriend. Never gonna happen. You hear me, Mary? That is _never… gonna… happen_.” Amanda drags out the last three words, injecting as much smugness as possible into each syllable. 

When Mary lunges at Amanda, she ends up throwing herself headlong onto the floor of the interrogation room as Amanda just sidesteps the entirely predictable move. Olivia rushes into the room, but doesn’t interfere as Amanda pulls Mary’s arms behind her back and cuffs her. 

“Tell me,” Amanda hisses into Mary’s ear. “Tell me where she is. Tell me now, or I swear I will make Sonny believe you killed her, no matter what you really did.”

“Nooooo!”

“Last chance.” Amanda reaches into her pocket and pulls out her cell phone. “Tell me where Kate is or I’m calling Sonny right now and telling him you confessed to killing Kate.”

“You can’t! I didn’t!”

Amanda makes sure Mary sees her push the button on her phone, and sees Sonny’s name and picture come up. 

Sonny answers and Amanda puts him on speaker. “Sonny?” Amanda asks.

“Yeah, Rollins, what is it?”

“Noooooooooo! Sonny, I didn’t kill her!” Mary is writhing on the ground, trying to get up and fighting the handcuffs. “She’s not dead! I wouldn’t do that!”

“Where is Kate, Mary?” Amanda shouts. “You killed her. Sonny, Mary killed-“

“She’s not dead! She just can’t get out! I didn’t kill her, Sonny, you have to believe me!”

“He doesn’t have to believe you, Mary,” Amanda urges. “He won’t, unless you prove it. Tell us where she is.”

Sonny’s voice comes through the speaker of Amanda’s phone. After their long partnership, he understands exactly what Amanda is doing. “I don’t believe you, Mary. Only way I’ll believe you is if I see her myself. You tell me where Kate is, then I’ll believe you didn’t kill her. Otherwise, I’ll know you did.”

It’s very difficult to understand Mary’s words through the tears and whining, especially as she’s still struggling to escape the handcuffs. But Sonny does. He’s been half-expecting her to say that she’s somehow managed to imprison Kate at the old brickworks where her father was a foreman, and Mary’s barely comprehensible words confirm it. Sonny begins barking orders at Amanda, the rhythmic rise and fall of his voice evidence that he is running. 

Olivia is already on the phone summoning help to the old brickworks.

************

Fin holds on for his life as Sonny weaves through traffic, siren screaming and lights flashing. Technically, Carisi shouldn’t be driving, since he’s no longer NYPD, but Fin has not reached this age without learning some rules of basic survival. One of those rules is, when a man has just learned that his girlfriend is being held in an abandoned brickworks and he tells you he’s driving, he’s driving. Not normally a praying man, Fin finds himself using the Lord’s name frequently and passionately during the half hour it takes them to reach the factory in the Bronx. It’s not so bad as they’re screaming down the Cross-Bronx Expressway, but on the surface streets, Fin sees his life – and that of several pedestrians - flash before him several times.

The Carnation brick plant is not one building, but rather several buildings huddled together in a rough U shape with a paved central area. All are, not surprisingly, made of brick. A massive building several stories tall, with huge, old, many-paned windows forms the centerpiece. It’s flanked by two smokestacks, one much larger than the other, but both seeming twice the height of the central building. 

The brickworks has been abandoned for a while, as evidenced by the weeds growing through cracks in the pavement and the presence of ivy or some other creeping plant staging a slow-motion ambush of the buildings. Sonny squeals the tires as he pulls through a gate in the high, razor-wire-topped metal fencing surrounding the plant, joining a fleet of emergency vehicles already parked haphazardly in the central, paved area. Firefighters and police are being directed by a white-shirted policeman in a hat with shiny gold braid across the front who appears to be in charge of the scene. He is pointing with a two-way radio, and as Sonny and Fin approach, they see a team of two firefighters follow his finger to run toward a round building that resembles a fat silo. 

The central building has large openings with wooden double doors at intervals along the side facing them, one of which is open. Due to the size of the building, they look smaller than they actually are, which is plenty big enough for Sonny to drive the squad car through into the building. He sees that two police cruisers are already inside and, as he opens his door to leap out, he can hear the scene commander outside asking, in a shriek, who the idiot is who thinks he’s at the Talladega Speedway. Fin cares. Sonny does not. He ignores Fin as he tells him he’s going to check with the scene commander, and sprints over to the nearest uniform. 

“Where do you got people searchin’?” 

The uniform, a black woman who seems a little afraid of him, answers quickly. “There’s a bunch of offices up there-“ she points to a metal stairway that leads to a mezzanine of sorts, with several windows, all broken, looking down on the cavernous, graffiti-laden space. “We got guys up there, and the rest of us are tryin’ to find all the nooks and crannies. That thing-“ she points to what appears to be a building within the building, “has fire boxes all along it. They’re lookin’ in all those.”

Sonny doesn’t know anything about brick manufacture, but he can see what look like oversized railroad tracks built into the floor. Many of the rusted, metal tracks lead around the very long, rectangular interior building. He sees uniformed cops crawling around in several outcroppings that look like brick lean-tos in the middle of it. Each has a heavy metal door, all of which are standing open. They look like what they are – fireplaces of a sort. The long building-within-a-building must be two hundred yards long, he thinks. What is that thing?

“It’s a tunnel kiln,” Fin says, appearing beside him. “My Granddad used to work here. They run the bricks through there. It’s heated by a bunch of fires, and when the bricks come out the other side, they’re ready.”

“How do the bricks get in?”

“There’s big-ass doors on each end. I’ll show ya’.” 

They sprint to one side of the gigantic building past massive pallets, some intact but most not, scattered here and there on the floor, and Sonny sees that the tracks intersect and run into the end of the long tunnel kiln. The opening is blocked by a massive slab of concrete that looks like it lifts and lowers on huge girders that form a square arch over the entrance. It appears to be a colossal door to the tunnel kiln. The slab of concrete is so large that there are girders framing it, and crisscrossing it in what looks like a giant double X. The girders were painted blue at one time, although there is as much rust and chipped paint as blue color left.

The floor is covered with a thick layer of of dust, dirt, and debris, and it is clear that several vehicles have been in here over time. What Sonny notices, however, is that the tracks that look the freshest seem to go into the tunnel. He walks closer. The tracks don’t stop at the door. They go right up to it. Somehow, this massive concrete slab can be made to lift, exposing the entrance to the long kiln. Without a word, Sonny and Fin move to opposite sides of the enormous door and begin exploring. Within a few minutes, Fin shouts that he’s found something. 

Embedded in the girder on one side of the tunnel is a square panel with two raised buttons the size of silver dollars and a larger, central button that is raised higher than the other two. The central button is covered with a faded red plastic disc. The other two buttons are covered with white discs, each of which features a chipped black arrow. The buttons appear to be lit, as though there is power to the switch. Sonny noticed coming in that there appeared to be power to the building, probably due to the need for security lighting. This place appears to be broken into frequently. 

“What the hell,” Sonny says, and pushes the up button. He’s not going to take the time to ask for permission. If he has to, he can ask for forgiveness later.

The noise of the gigantic slab being lifted along the rusty girders is so loud everyone in the building covers their ears. Not only is there the sound of old machinery clanking, there is also the scream of ungreased rollers being dragged unwillingly up filthy, rusted tracks. But it lifts. As it does, Fin runs back to their squad car and retrieves two long, heavy flashlights. He hands one to Sonny, and as soon as the door lifts enough for them to duck through, they’re inside.

Sonny is frantic, calling desperately for Kate, shining his flashlight along the floor. It is pitch black inside; the dim light penetrating the filthy windows of the building barely reaches a few feet inside the tunnel. He begins to jog, shining his light to one side while Fin takes the other. The vehicle tracks continue in the dirt on the floor. There are a lot of disturbances in the dirt, mostly footprints that crisscross one another and large spots that look like a bunch of people stood or sat in an area, probably to drink or whatever one did in an abandoned tunnel kiln. But the tire tracks cut through them, indicating that the vehicle was the latest thing to travel the tunnel.

“Be careful, Carisi, there’s debris on this floor. Don’t get goin’ too fast.”

Sonny cannot tolerate the idea of slowing down. If Kate is here, she’s been in this pitch black dungeon all this time, perhaps injured, perhaps worse. He is trying to call out to her, carefully search, keep from tripping on the tracks or debris, and pray harder than he ever has, all at the same time.

“Katie!” He calls. He hears the terror in his voice, and he doesn’t care. “Baby, are you in here?”

They have to be nearing the middle of the kiln now, he thinks, but in fact they’ve only traversed about a quarter of it. He is beginning to think she might not be here. In this echoing space, if she was, wouldn’t she hear them calling? Wouldn’t she shout back? 

They continue down the long, dark tunnel, seeing occasional debris like broken bricks, beer bottles, a few used condoms (really? Sonny thinks), and the crushed, torn wrappers from all sorts of food items. But no Kate. The only thing that is holding Sonny together at this point is the fact that the tire tracks still continue in the dirt. 

Fin gives a shout. “I got somethin’!”

Sonny can see an indistinct shape on the floor several yards ahead. Heedless of the potential dangers lying on the dark floor, he shines his flashlight on the shape and begins to run. It’s clear from a few yards away that it is a body lying on its side, back to them. Sonny and Fin reach her at the same time. Kate. Lying motionless on the floor of the tunnel, drying blood matting her hair and zip ties binding her wrists and ankles. 

Sliding to his knees beside her, Sonny reaches out to take her by the shoulders and roll her over. Kate’s eyes are closed and her head lolls to the side like a rag doll’s. She doesn’t respond.


	7. Into The Light

“Go for help!” Sonny shouts at Fin at the same time he reaches down to feel for a carotid pulse. Fin wastes no time; all but ignoring the potential hazards on the floor of the tunnel, he turns and sprints for the entrance, too far away to be more than a hazy gray spot in the distance. The beam of his flashlight can be seen, bouncing with his stride and becoming smaller and dimmer as he runs back down the tunnel toward the emergency vehicles he knows are there. At least one of them is an ambulance.

Sonny notices immediately that Kate is warm. She’s alive. Her pulse is slow, but it’s strong and steady. He lowers his head to put his ear next to her mouth, and can hear her breathing and see her chest rise and fall slowly in the dusty light from his flashlight.

“Katie? Baby, I need you to wake up. Can you wake up for me?”

He can’t resist putting an arm behind her and pulling her to a semi-sitting position, her head resting on the crook of his elbow so that he can cradle her to him. He knows he probably shouldn’t be moving her, but he needs to hold her. He needs to weep into her hair, and kiss her forehead, her cheek, her lips. She’s not responding, which he desperately wants her to do, but she’s alive. He realizes he is smearing her blood all over his shirt and jacket as he clasps her to his chest, his lips pressed hard against her forehead and tears falling into her hair, rocking her and muttering a tearful prayer of thanks, and a further plea for her to be all right. Later, he will laugh at himself for thinking of sex at this moment, but what he’s thinking is that he knows they’ve been committing adultery, and he promises God that he will marry Kate as soon as he possibly can. In the privacy of his mind is the idea that this is somewhat of a negotiation – if God will save Kate, Sonny will stop sinning and enter into Holy Matrimony with her – and that Sonny really wins on both sides. He doesn’t worry about that. God likes when lost lambs come back into the fold, so Sonny thinks He will be OK with the deal.

Besides which, Kate utters a tiny moan at that moment. Sonny smooths a palm over her cheek and very lightly taps it with his fingers. 

“Kate? Sweetheart, can you hear me? Can you wake up for me? Katie? Please, Baby. I love you. I love you so much. I need you to wake up…”

He continues calling her as he cradles her in his arms, rocking her slightly and telling her how much he loves her, for what feels like forever. In the distance, he sees a pair of headlights enter the tunnel, small but bright. He can soon tell that it’s an ambulance, because it’s outlined in lights. 

“See that, Baby? Help is coming. I got you. You’re gonna be OK. All right? I love you. I got you.”

It seems to take hours for the lights to approach, the flashers making dizzying patterns on the walls of the tunnel. He’s blinded by the headlights as it approaches, so he looks down at Kate and shields her eyes, although they are closed. The ambulance drives just past them, and two paramedics, a man and a woman, jump out and begin to pull out equipment. The rear doors open and Fin jumps out, then assists the female paramedic to pull the gurney from the back. 

Sonny stands, bending to keep his left arm behind Kate’s head and shoulders, and slides his other arm under her knees, lifting her in his arms to set her, as gently as he can, onto the gurney. He doesn’t want to let her go, but the paramedics nudge him out of the way and begin to examine her. There are bright lights on the rear of the ambulance for exactly this purpose, and they illuminate Kate’s dirty face and the blood smeared on the right side of her head and neck. The male paramedic quickly slides a C-collar onto her neck, examining her head as he does.

“How bad is it?” Sonny is practically hopping up and down with impatience and fear.

“I can’t see dick back here,” he says to his partner. “Let’s get her inside where there’s better light.”

He and his partner secure Kate to the gurney with straps, moving with a rapidity born of frequent repetition. While they do, Sonny removes the folding knife he always carries from his pocket and slits the zip ties on Kate’s wrists and ankles. The others pretend not to hear what he mutters about Mary Duderon under his breath as he does. It’s not very flattering.

The four of them quickly collapse the gurney and lift it into place in the back of the ambulance. The male paramedic vaults in and sits beside Kate, speedily taking a set of vital signs and neurological checks, shining a light in and out of her eyes to check her pupil reflex.

“Vitals are a little low, but good. Pupils are dilated, but reactive, so I’d say she’s got some heavy narcs on board.”

“Narcan?” The female paramedic suggests.

“Not until I know what’s going on with that head wound.” 

“Sounds like she’s stable enough to transport, and it’s gonna take forever to back this thing outta here. Why don’t you do your assessment and see what you can do for her while these officers guide us out?”

“Let’s do it.”

“I’m goin’ with her to the hospital,” Sonny says. “That’s not negotiable.”

“Yeah, whatever,” the male paramedic shrugs, pulling the doors shut. “We’ll pick you up once we’re clear of the tunnel.”

Sonny tries to be patient as he and Fin, walking on either side of the tunnel several feet behind the ambulance, use their flashlights and hand signals to guide the driver in backing out of the long, dark kiln. The tunnel is wide enough that there’s a fair amount of room on either side, so that she can go faster than Sonny expected, but it’s still the pace of a slow walk, and to Sonny it feels like a crawl. He reminds himself, time and again, that Kate is stable and is now getting medical help. Since they’ve now found the woman they’re looking for, the other first responders come to the tunnel with their own flashlights and line the walls at intervals, which speeds up the process, but it still takes many minutes.

At long last, the ambulance clears the entrance to the tunnel kiln and turns around, stopping just long enough for Sonny to climb in and take a seat on the bench next to the male paramedic before driving out of the brickworks property. Once they reach the street, the siren starts and Sonny is relieved to feel them speeding toward the hospital and whatever help Kate needs.

**************

Sonny objects when the ER staff stop him at the door of the treatment room into which they wheel Kate. They’re used to the protests of loved ones in this situation, however, and he recognizes a hard no when he hears it. So he’s pacing the waiting room when Fin arrives twenty minutes later. 

Fin’s clothes are smudged and smeared with dirt. Sonny’s are, too, and he’s got a fair amount of blood on him, but he was on the ground with Kate. He doesn’t understand why Fin’s so dirty. 

“What happened to you?” Sonny asks, waving a hand to indicate Fin’s clothes.

Fin looks down at himself, the flashes Sonny an embarrassed grin. “I, uh, got goin’ too fast when I was runnin’ out to get the bus. Tripped over somethin’ and took a header. Got me a nice souvenir.” He points to a bloody, dirty scrape on his forehead that Sonny has been too preoccupied to notice until now. “Your girlfriend better buy me a drink after this.”

His smile is reassuring, and Sonny manages a grin. “Hell, I’ll buy you two. Thanks, man.”

He claps Fin on the shoulder. “So how much trouble am I in with whoever that white-shirt was back at the scene?”

Fin smiles wider. “Let’s just say you’re lucky you don’t work for the NYPD anymore. And you better hope your boss is a romantic, cuz he was already on the phone to her when I left.”

It’s another half hour before an Indian man in scrubs holds open one of the double doors to the treatment area and looks out. He sees Fin’s shield around his neck and motions to him and Sonny. Sonny practically runs to him. 

“You here with Kate Kinsella?” The doctor asks.

“Yeah. Yeah, we are,” Sonny answers breathlessly. In his eagerness to get information, he is standing a bit inside the doctor’s personal space, but the doctor is well used to that by now. 

“I’d have called your name, but I think she’s still a little muddled from the drugs. She called you something like Greasy Homicide?”

Sonny laughs way too loud, while tears spring to his eyes. He knows it would take too long to explain, and he doesn’t want to waste a second. “She’s awake!”

“She is. I’m Dr. Chowdhury, by the way. She’s actually in pretty good shape. Whoever abducted her tased her good, gave her a bit of a burn on the side of her chest, but it’ll be fine. She’s also got a laceration on the back of her head, but however that happened, it wasn’t a hard enough hit to do any damage. Head lacs bleed like crazy, so they often look worse than they are, and that’s the case here.”

“But she was unconscious!”

“She was, but not from the blow to the head. She was drugged. Toxicology’s not back yet, but if I was a betting man I’d say she got a heavy dose of Refliceine.”

“Which is?” Fin asks.

“It’s a long-acting injectable narcotic. You get a shot of that, you can be out for days. Illegal as hell, for exactly that reason. But it responds to narcotic antagonist medication. I gave her a shot of Narcan, and she woke right up.”

“Can we see her?”

“Sure. She’s been asking for you. Right this way.”

Kate is sitting up on the gurney when Sonny and Fin reach the door of her treatment room. Someone has toweled the worst of the blood from her hair, and her face and hands have been washed clean of the dirt from the tunnel. The short sleeves of her hospital gown don’t cover the raw, red marks from the zip ties that had held her wrists, and a square white bandage shows low down on the right side of her head, but otherwise she looks unharmed. She breaks into a wide, bright smile as soon as she sees them.

“Hey, guys!” She calls cheerfully.

Sonny rushes to her, leaning over the railings of the gurney to grasp her tightly. “Katie, it’s so good to see you awake! You have no idea. I was so scared… I love you so much…”

She puts her arms around him and pats him on the back. “I love you, too, and I’m fine, Sonny. I’m good.”

He sniffles as he squeezes her. 

“Hey,” she says, pushing on his arms a little. “Look at me.”

He doesn’t let her go, but he loosens his arms enough that he can look into her face.

“I’m good,” she says with finality, smiling into his eyes. “I can’t believe I let that fuckin’ troll get the drop on me, but other than that, I’m good.”

Sonny smiles through tears, but seems to be having trouble speaking. 

“OK?” Kate asks, tilting her head a bit as she peers at Sonny, willing him to understand that the danger is past.

“OK,” he chokes, standing up to wipe his eyes. 

Kate turns to Fin and holds out her arms. “Hi, Fin. I guess you must be my hero, huh?”

Fin hugs Kate as Sonny lets out a wounded, “Hey!”

Kate and Fin laugh and Kate keeps Fin’s hand in hers as she turns to Sonny and takes his hand, too. 

“Honestly? I have almost no idea what happened. I know the very beginning and the very end, and the doc tells me there’s a day in between, which I’m guessing musta sucked for you. But I got nothin’.”

“Well, tell us the beginning, ‘cuz that’s the part we don’t know,” Fin says as he pulls a chair from against the wall to sit next to Kate’s gurney. 

“I got a pretty good idea,” Sonny growls, doing the same on the other side.

Kate scowls. “Hensler dropped me off at my place. I wanted to pick up a few things, and then I started walking toward your apartment,” she looks at Sonny. “You know that alley between the pizza place and the grocery? Where we found those kittens that time? A kid comes out of that alley and tells me there’s some lady hurt in a car. So I’m an idiot, I just walk right behind him toward this car parked a ways down the alley. We get almost to the car, and I get zapped from behind. Never even saw her. The kid goes running, and there I am, laying there. I can’t move, and I see Mary – well, her feet – and she leans over and pokes me with something. I don’t know what it was, but I started to chill even before the taser wore off. Then she just drags me over to her car and stuffs me in the back seat. Bitch is stronger than she looks. Anyway, she starts driving, and I was out. That’s it. That’s all I know, until I woke up here.” 

Sonny and Fin spend the next hour telling Kate everything that happened from the time Sonny realized she was missing until the time she awoke here in the ER. Fin takes every opportunity to give her shit about sleeping through all the excitement, but Sonny’s not ready to make jokes yet. Every once in a while, a nurse comes in to take Kate’s vitals and do neurological checks, but Kate insists she feels fine and begins to ask when she can go home.

After an hour, Fin says he has to go, gives Kate another hug, and heads for the door.

“Hey,” Sonny calls, standing up from his chair next to Kate’s gurney and going to Fin. “Thank you. For everything. I owe you bigtime.” 

They clasp hands and give eachother a one-armed hug, and Sonny’s expression makes clear how truly grateful he is. 

“Yeah, well don’t think you’re gettin’ out of buyin’ me those drinks. I’mma collect on that, believe me.” He points back at Kate. “And you owe me, too.”

“Proud to. Thanks again, Fin.” Kate smiles at him as he leaves. 

Sonny returns to Kate’s bedside, and takes her hands into his. He sighs deeply as he gazes at her. “You scared me, Katie.”

“I know,” she replies softly. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s not that. It’s just… It was hard.”

“I know, Sweetheart. I’d have been a wreck if it was you.” She pulls his hand to her lips and kisses it. “Thank you for everything you did for me. Thank you for holding it together. I don’t think I could have. Besides which, I gotta tell you, for a lawyer, you’re a hell of a detective.”

But Sonny is still not ready for jokes. He’s also clearly going somewhere with this. “Kate, you’re the best thing in my life. I don’t think you know how much I love you.”

“You just gave me a pretty good demonstration. And I love you, too. I feel exactly the same way.”

“The thing is, I want us to be together. I don’t wanna just date anymore. I been thinkin’ for a while now that we should move in together.”

“We should. Let’s,” Kate agrees happily.

Sonny’s a little frustrated. Kate’s saying exactly what he wants to hear, that’s not the problem. The problem is that this isn’t what he meant to say, or how he meant to say it, and he doesn’t know how to make Kate understand the enormity, or importance of his feelings. 

“No!” He blurts out. “That’s not good enough. Katie, I want to marry you. Or, I want you to marry me. I want us to get married.”

Sonny notices that Kate gives a little start before breaking into the widest and most beautiful smile Sonny has ever seen on her face, although he can see tears form in her eyes. “I want to marry you, too,” she whispers. 

For a moment, they simply lock eyes and smile. 

“I’m gonna need a way better proposal than this, though,” Kate smirks.

Sonny’s radiant smile lights his face and the crinkles Kate so loves frame his blue, blue eyes. “I can definitely manage a more romantic setting,” he laughs, then his voice takes on a more serious tone. “As long as I know you’re gonna say yes.”

“I’m definitely gonna say yes,” Kate responds with equal sincerity. 

They are still kissing when Dr. Chowdhury comes in many minutes later, clearing his throat loudly.

“If you’re going to behave like that, I’m going to have to send you home,” he cracks.

************

Sonny is kneeling on the bathmat next to his tub, shampooing Kate’s hair as she sits in a hot bath. It feels wonderful. Sonny lives in an older building, with real porcelain bathtubs deep enough to soak in, and an apparently inexhaustible supply of hot water, and this is the second time he’s washed her hair. He thinks he’ll get all the dirt and blood out this time, but he’s kind of enjoying this. He likes the feeling of taking care of Kate. 

Amanda Rollins is on speaker, explaining her questioning of Mary Duderon, and her reaction to Kate’s rescue. 

“She was actually having a hard time deciding whether to be proud of Carisi for finding her or being mad that she’d been found. She eventually decided to just cry. It’s kinda sad, actually.”

“No, it isn’t,” Sonny grumbles, scooping up water with a plastic beer pitcher and pouring it over Kate’s head to rinse her hair. “It’s sick and it’s twisted. She’s too smart to be sad. She arranged it so Kate didn’t have a chance, and she could just drag her in the car and dump her out again. That fuckin’ kiln, there’s no way Kate coulda gotten out, and she coulda screamed ‘til kingdom come and no one woulda ever heard her.”

“I wanna know where she got a hold of Refliceine,” Amanda comments.

“It’s not that hard,” Kate says, rubbing soapy water from her eyes. “There’s a black market for any drug you want. That’s why I’ll always have a job.”

“Well, I’m just glad you’re OK,” Amanda says.

“Thanks to you. I appreciate everything you did so much, Amanda.”

Sonny squirts a handful of conditioner from a bottle and begins to run his fingers through Kate’s hair. She closes her eyes and smiles as he asks Amanda, “Hey, who caught this case for the DA?”

“Hadid recused herself, so Stone took it. Which could prove interesting, given Mary’s propensity to go gaga over men who pay her the slightest bit of attention.”

Sonny’s laugh is slightly evil. “Yeah, if he plays his cards right, she’ll plead to life without parole just to make him happy.”

“She’s looking at that anyway. He’s throwin’ the book at her. Apparently, he’s a fan of yours.”

“Yeah,” Sonny grins. “We get along OK.”

“Is that Peter Stone?” Kate asks.

“Yeah, you know him?” Amanda answers.

“Seen him. Seems like poetic justice, Mary getting prosecuted by man candy.”

“All right, well, I’m gonna get goin’ home, you guys,” Amanda says. “Glad you’re safe and well, Kate.”

“Thank you again. I owe you.”

Amanda hangs up and Sonny begins rinsing Kate’s hair again. 

“MMmmmm. This is so nice, Sonny. But you still have some of my blood on you. Maybe you should come in here with me.”

“Nope. Now that you’re clean, you’re getting out and I’m gonna dry your hair. And then I’m gonna wrap you up in a blanket and put you in my bed. After that, I’ll take a shower.”

“Sounds wonderful. And then what?”

“And then I’m gonna unwrap you.”


End file.
